Changing History
by The Slayer Years
Summary: Can a man without a memory find his way back to the woman who claimed to love him? And can a lost slayer battle the forces that keep her from her lover? SPUFFY
1. Prologue

**Prologue: Who Am I?**

It hit his skin like tiny shards of glass. Thousands and thousands of needles sticking at his exposed flesh. It was a strange feeling and the man couldn't quite remember if he'd ever felt anything like it before. But that must be impossible - right?

Bowing his aching head he let the cold water pore down his shivering body. He felt so dirty and he couldn't remember why.

The water, although colder than he would like it to be, helped a little to ease his pain.

A trembling hand reached up to the man's face and felt features that was, somehow, unknown to him. How was it that he couldn't remember how his face looked like?

The reflection in the steamy mirror looked back at the man, revealing a young face of a man in his mid twenties(?), with noticeable cheekbones, a light tan and piercing blue eyes. His hair was brown with sun bleached ends and slightly curly.

Hands moved over a lean and muscular body, skin without any flaws. How come he didn't have any scars?

Everyone had scars - right? From their childhood games and possible from the life as a grownup.

It was a harsh world after all. But he didn't have any scars. Nor birthmarks or any other displeasing features.

It was almost as if he was clean plate; molded just recently and never been used before this moment.

The man bows his head and closes his eyes. Who am I?

**Dirty. It feels so dirty. I****'****m dirty.**

**Scratching to reach the surface. Screaming, bleeding and crying.**

**All darkness.**

**It aches. O God, it aches so much.**

**Panting and struggling.**

**Dirt everywhere. On me. Under me. Inside of me. I****'****m dirty.**

**Fingers bleeding. Nails cracks. Wooden splints cuts into the palms.**

**So cold. So dark. So completely dirty.**

**Wood that squeaks when knuckles rips thru and reaches the surface.**

**The air is so cold. The moon is so alien.**

**What's that? A headstone? A inscription? What does it say?**

_**Here lies William Raven. 1981-2004. A beloved son and brother. A devoted friend. He will always be in our hearts.**_

**Who is William Raven?**

He wakes up screaming, literally bathing in sweat and panting as if he'd been running for miles and miles. That dream… he had it so often now that he almost forgot how real it felt. Who was William Raven? Oh… That's right… _He_ was supposed to be William Raven. But if he was William who's grave had he been dreaming about? And was it just a dream? It felt so real, so vivid to him that he was sure that he had actually dug himself his way up of that dark tomb. But that had to be impossible. He wasn't dead. He was in fact very much alive.

A trembling hand placed itself over his heart just to be sure. Yes, there it was - a steady and regular heartbeat. Nothing wrong there.

The man, William, rose from the bed and walked naked over the floor to the window to look out over the city down below. L.A at night was quite magnificent to watch. Even tough the latest earthquake had taken its toll on it. Funny, but he didn't remember an earthquake. Maybe it had occurred during the time that he'd somehow lost track off? Silently cursing the lack of some parts of his memory, William returned to the bed to get dressed.

Fully clothed he went over to stand in front of the full figured mirror, a place where he strangely seemed to spend a lot of time, and looked at the man before him.

_See; there you are. Nothing wrong with you today either. Just ordinary William. William Raven - that's you. And you can't be wigging out just because you have spaces in your memory that's blank. They are not important. Remembering who you are is important. So let's go over it again, shall we? Just to be sure? You're William Raven. You're 26 years old and live in L.A. You work as __an undercover reporter at a large magazine and you have a cat named Whiskers. Your parents' names are Roger and Mary Raven and your sister's name is Penny. That's it. You're William Raven._

William tore his eyes away from his reflection, walked over to the nightstand and casually picked up his keys before heading for the door. He left his apartment on the top floor and took the elevator down to the garage. His newly purchased BMW looked mighty sharp in the dim lights and a quick smile crossed over his lips before he settled down in its seat and turned the ignition on. With a impressive roar the car left the lot and made its way out on the busy lane.

**Tbc...**


	2. Prologue Part II

Prologue Part Two: In The Fast lane

As the BMW roared down the street it attracted many jealous looks, as well as appreciative glances from the ladies and one or two occasional blokes that drove similar vehicles.

William turned on the radio and flipped through the channels 'til he found a station that met his approval. Tapping his finger against the steering wheel he sang along with the song.

_**I'm not a perfect person/ There's many things I wish I didn't do/but I continue learning/I never meant to do those things to you/and so I have to say before I go/that I just want you to know/I found a reason for me/to change who I used to be/a reason to start over new/and the reason is you… Buffy…**_

The car span without control when William suddenly lost his focus. Desperately he struggled to get it back on hold and when it finally did he let out a relieved sigh. God, what had he been thinking? And who the fuck was Buffy?

_**I'm sorry that I hurt you…**_

Images of a crying girl on a bathroom floor. Struggling against hands that were trying to rip her bathrobe open.

_**It's something that I have to live with every day…**_

A man bursting through a door that looked like it belonged to a crypt(?). Glass shattering in his hands.

_**And all the pain I put you thru/I wish I could take it all away/and be the one that catches all your tears…**_

The same girl, once again crying, sitting on a bed in some unfamiliar bedroom. Her face… She was so beautiful. So endearing. So… effulgent. A strong male hand reached out to stroke away her tears.

_**That's why I need you to hear/I found a reason for me/to change how I used to be/a reason to start over new/and the reason is you…**_

Thousands and thousands of imagines piercing his already messed up mind; a man - himself, walking through some kind of camp.

Battling big ugly nasties. Sharp pain.

The regaining of a lost soul. A long and withering trip back to a place called Sunnydale(?) - his memory was not adequate.

A dark basement. Crazy ramblings. Monsters in the darkness. Always the darkness. In the basement. In his soul.

Then there were light. Her. Buffy. The slayer.

He'd found his way back to her once more. And somehow, for some unexplainable reason she'd forgiven him.

_Don't hurt the girl._

God… he had hurt her so bad at one point.

_Spike is a bad__, bad man. _

Buffy. Always Buffy.

_Look at you - glowing. What does that word mean; glowing? Gotta rhyme._

William drove off to the side curve and cut the engine off. He turned off the radio and closed his eyes in a desperate attempt to keep the images from overwhelming him.

But it was too late. They came flashing by as a busy traffic lane, constant flow of pictures.

Cecily. Dru. Angelus. Angel. Darla. Death and destruction. The Chinese slayer. The dark skinned slayer in New York. Sunnydale. Buffy. The scoobies. Giles. Joyce. Dawn… Niblet.

That's what he used to call her.

More images - memories(?);

The Initiative. The chip.

Willow's spell that made him propose to Buffy.

Harmony.

That bitch of a god Glory.

_We're not all gonna make it. You know that? I always knew I would go down fighting. I'm counting on you. To protect her. 'til the end of the world. Even if it happens to be tonight. _

Dawn crying on the top of a tower.

Him falling. Failing.

Buffy's limp and broken body on the cement.

Her face… She'd looked so got damn peaceful. Like she'd found something in her death that she hadn't been able to find in the real life. Maybe it was peace. Serenity. Maybe it was heaven.

The summer she'd been gone he and Dawn had grown closer.

Then Buffy returned from the dead.

The moment she'd come down those stairs…

The following memories were to bitter-sweet, to hurting to go trough.

_Every night I save you…_

And he had saved her. In the end he'd saved her. And the world.

William shock his head and sighed wearily.

Yeah - he had saved the world. And found peace. 'til they brought him back again. To fight once more when he really had no strength left to fight.

First he'd been a soddin' ghost, trapped at Wolfram and Hart, haunting its corridors and the employees - but most of all irritating that big poofter. Angel. The original vampire with a soul.

And that poor bastard had actually believed that he was fighting the good fight. In an attempt to find redemption. To get his Shanshu. A hopeless fight.

He'd died of course. Fighting against the assassins from Wolfram and Hart. He'd slayed his dragon but in the end they've been to many demons to fight.

They all had died.

Wesley, Gunn, that kid Connor, Lorne too… but what had happened to Illyria? He'd had no memories of her going down - or being alive for that way either.

All he remembered was that he'd been the only one left standing in the ruins, beaten and half unconscious.

And he'd know that he would die too. And he had relied that thought. To finally be at peace.

And he'd given in. Let the darkness get to him. But what had happened then? How come he wasn't dead?

William lifted his head and took a good look around. Everything seemed like it should around him.

Cars, people - on their way to work and other destinations.

A blue sky and clear air.

The city had not been affected by the hordes of demons. Why not? What had stopped them from reeking havoc?

_The earthquake…_

It was a cover up!

But who…? The slayers and the new Watcher's Council?

William opened the car door and stepped out in the sun. The sun…

His palms turned upwards and his eyes looked up at the clear blue sky. Day. To walk in the sun once more.

It was an amazing feeling. Now when he remembers who he was - who he had been he realized that it was simply a miracle.

He was human for god's sake! Was it the Shanshu? Or something else? He hadn't found redemption after his heroic death in the hell mouth - but maybe, just maybe, by fighting the good fight at Angel's side had done it for him?

As the sun warmed his body memories came rushing once more.

_It felt strange. Like a tingly feeling all over. Around him vampires roared and girls were fighting for their lives. But all that he could think of was Buffy._

_"Buffy!"_

_She registered his voice and snatched when she saw the reason to his call out._

_"Spike!"_

_She ran to him. God, she was beautiful. She would always be beautiful. She stopped in front of him, and he could see that she was trying desperately to make sense of it all. And he suddenly realized that he needed her to understand._

_"I can feel it, Buffy."_

_"What?" She barley got the words out. I'm so sorry my love._

_He turned his head ever so slightly and their eyes meet. _

_"My soul. It's really there."_

_He lost focus for a moment and his gaze fixed on something indeterminable that he couldn't quite name or comprehend. But he thought that it perhaps was his salvation. And it was beautiful. Peaceful. And darn it - it hurt a little bit to._

_"It kind' a stings."_

_Chaos all around them. The other girls screaming. They're trying to escape. Everything was about to collapse on them. Rocks and debris falling down around them. Vampires vaporizing into nothing._

_"Go on then."_

_He needed her to go. To stay alive. After all that's wh__at mattered to him. But she shook her head in despair._

_"No! You've __done enough. You still can..."_

_Oh, God, he'd done enough. He couldn't agree more. But there was one more thing that he gotta do. And he did it for her._

_"No... You beat them back. It's to me to do the clean-up."_

_He felt a twinge of desperation when he saw the stubbornness in her eyes. God damned you, Buffy. This is not the time to go all commando slayer on me!_

_"Got to move, luv. I guess it's safe to say that school's out for the bloody summer."_

_"Spike..."_

_"Mean it. I got to do this."_

_He knew that she saw that he meant it. That there wasn't anything that she could do to make him change his mind. She reached out her hand to his. Fingers linking with each other. She holds on to his hand while it caught on fire._

_"I love you."_

_He turned his head towards her, giving her a gentle glare as he was dying._

_"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."_

_I love you, Buffy. But you have to go now, luv. You have to live. For me._

_He saw that she read his silent declaration of love in her eyes and felt at peace knowing that she would grant him this last wish. She would survive. So that one of them was living. _

_And suddenly something brought Buffy out of balance. The whole cave was shaking and trembling. About to collapse down on both of them. She looked at him helpless._

_"Now go!"_

_She pulled her hand out of his and ran up the stairs. Leaving him to meet his destiny. Leaving him to die..._

William… No, Spike, woke up from his trip down memory lane when he suddenly realized that his cell phone was ringing.

He reached into his pocket and brought it to his ear. When he heard who was on the other side of the line a smile appeared on his face.

"Hi, mum."

Tbc...


	3. Chapter One

** Part One: Kara**

From the moment he'd realized who he had been in the past, Spike had experienced a strange compulsion to pick up where Buffy left off, after she'd moved on to whatever life he'd tried to give her through his final act of sacrifice.

Somehow he'd understood that he was back again, returned from the dead for some unexplainable reason.

It would have been nice if whoever had brought him back had stuck around long enough to say why, when, what, and who, but that was not something he really prioritised.

He was just glad to be alive. And back to fighting the good fight. Strangely enough, once he remembered his past life, he seemed to have gained some mighty impressive supernatural powers. He was actually stronger than he'd been as a vampire and he didn't have all the imperfections a vampire would have.

So, he used his new improved strength to hunt down all kind of nasties and kill them. And saved more humans than he'd ever done before, feeling quite proud of himself. And one of those he saved had stayed around - become his friend, as well as roommate.

**Kara…**

He sensed her now, moving in the shadows and stepping out to where he sat on the balcony.

She sat down on the divan next to his, inhaling the night aromas.

Spike had rescued her one night from a vampire attack; she'd seemed to take it in stride, as if a man rescuing her from vampires wasn't that remarkable.

She had simply introduced herself as Kara, and mesmerized by her sparkling personality he'd let her stay, no questions asked.

"It's beautiful."

_Huh?_

Caught in his daydreams, her voice reached out to him and brought him back to reality. She was good at doing that. In fact she was like an anchor that holds him in place.

"The night. It's beautiful."

Spike looked at the pale moon shining down on them from a starlit sky and realized that it actually was quite a beautiful night.

As a vampire he had relied the night, lived his life under the moon. A creature of the night. But as a human he really didn't pay any attention to this particular time of the day.

In his false memories he remembered himself as a young boy that feared the darkness and begged his mother every night to leave the night lamp on. He remembered her telling him that he needn't be afraid of the dark and kissing his forehead. She always smelled of lavender.

None of it was real tough - the memories. And those who supposedly were his family had also been given these false memories. Almost like how Dawn had been forged into everyone's life in Sunnydale. The difference between them was that Dawn hadn't remembered her past life as the Key, and Spike remembered all too well what he'd been in his past life.

_A vampire. A thief. A murderer._

Kara was secretly looking the brooding man over. He was like no other she ever met in her life and he intrigued her. As much as anything could intrigue her those days - being a slayer kind' a took away most of the everyday mysteries life would have brought if she was just an ordinary girl.

Yeah, she was as slayer and she'd actually just been on the hunt when Spike for some reason thought that she'd been in need of rescuing.

A little bit amazed of the stranger's powers, Kara had watched him dust every single vampire and felt a sudden twinge of familiarity with him.

He hadn't been a vampire and nothing in him appeared to be demon or even magical. No, he'd only been a man. A man with supernatural powers.

Determent to find out what he really was she had made it her business to stay as close to him as she could and been pretty glad that he had accepted her as a roommate.

Days and weeks had passed by but she wasn't any closer to solve the quantum that was Spike. And against her will she had gotten attached to the man. Even too attached.

Kara knew that the Watcher's Council would object if they knew she was living with an unclassified powerful being, but she found herself not telling them about her situation.

She had simply grown accustomed to being around Spike. Gloried in his acceptance and basking at his attention. And when Spike was around, well, she couldn't ignore him. He was... too much.

Maybe she should kiss him. A friendly kiss. _Hi, Spike._

Spike suddenly noticed the strange look in his companion's eyes and turned his head to her.

"What is it?"

She just looked at him with a blank expression. And he began to fell at unease.

"Kara…?"

"I was just thinking..." Kara stared up at him. "You are beautiful."

Then blushed bright pink when she realized that she just shown what her true feelings for the vampire was.

For a moment the heavy cloud around Spike's heart lifted and he gave her a smirk and one twitch of his eyebrow. Always got 'em, he did.

"Really?"

Spike could see that she thought hard and long about how she could find away out of this embarrassment and decided to rescue her.

"You look pretty spectacular tonight also."

She blushed once more but never let her gaze drift away from his.

"You really mean that?"

"'f course, luv. That dress has always been the most fitting one. And have you done something to your hair?"

He sniffed appreciating in the air.

"Is that lavender?"

He gave her a smirk and reached out a hand to stroke her hair.

"You scented your hair for me, pet?"

"Er… Yeah… I thought that you maybe would like it. You told me that lavender always remands you of your mum. But don't tell anyone, ok?"

He leaned in for a soft kiss.

"Don't worry, luv. I won't tell anyone."

Kara gasped for air and then griped his shirt so that she could pull him closer to her. Their kiss deepened as the night turned to dawn.

** Part Two: Moving On.**

The window in her apartment bedroom is open just enough so that a light breeze penetrates and whips the white curtains around.

Kara flicks on the switch just inside the doorway, and the lights suddenly blink on.

She turns off the lights and lies down, and in the darkness, feels **him.**

_Spike..._

Her eyes are closed, but even so, she can sense him.

And then she can feel him close to her. Hands glide down her shoulders, feather light, long, skilful fingertips skimming across her skin and makes her shiver.

A soft – oh, so soft, kiss pressed to the nape of her neck.

Cool lips trails down her spine, and she arches her back.

_I can die now. And I would be happy…_

Her hands running across the liquid-smooth planes of his back.

_So beautiful…_

The way he touches her…

_ I love you…_

Spike likes to watch her when she sleeps.

She's beautiful, and she's sweet, and for some reason, she trusts him completely.

And the best part of it all; she isn't afraid to love. Or to be loved.

She smells like lavender, like golden summers and something else he can't quite get his hands on. And Spike knows that her smell always will linger in his mind.

She shifts languorously in her sleep, and he wonders briefly what she could be dreaming of.

He reaches out, runs his hand over her cheek. He draws back, watches her tenderly as she sleeps, feeling his heart break just a little bit more.

Would he be willing to put his heart out there once more?

_Buffy..._

**Tbc...**


	4. Chapter Two

**Part One: That Same Old Pain.**

"Buffy!!"

The blond slayer turned to face the approaching man with a bright smile, conscious to keep the happy appearance up.

She felt like crying tough. These days it seems like she just couldn't stop crying. In fact; nothing had really mattered to her since the battle against the demons that the Senior Partners unleashed on Los Angeles.

The pain of knowing that Spike had been alive all that time and not told her was a constant reminder that he obviously hadn't believed her last words to him down in the Hellmouth.

_ 'I love you:" _

_ 'No, you don't. But thanks for saying it.'_

She hadn't even known that he was back again, fighting at Angel's side. She'd been left out of the loop (big shocker there) - 'til that phone call came, from Faith, telling about the battle that Angel was fighting against Wolfram and Hart, and that Spike was one of them fighting with him.

Buffy had hurried to Los Angeles with the rest of the available slayers in tow and joined the fight that raged in the dark streets.

She'd seen Angel go down and felt a twinge of loss and despair at the sight.

_Angel…_

She'd seen the dark skinned man give into his deadly wounds and die whilst still fighting a demon.

She'd seen the blue god king called Illyria rip enemies apart without any noticeable difficulty.

But she hadn't seen Spike anywhere.

_I'm too late… Always too late…_

She'd kept on fighting, not aware of anything around her but her next opponent. It wasn't 'til she hadn't a foe to slaughter anymore, that she stopped – and noticed the stares from her fellow slayers.

Buffy knew that she'd been a terrified sight to behold - there she stood with a blood drained scythe and steam rising from her body.

All drained in blood, hair dishevelled and with wet clothes.

But the others could stare all they wanted. It didn't matter. What was important was to find out what happened to Spike.

Illyria, had simply said that the white haired vampire had fought well and that he killed many demons.

The god king seemed almost to admire the vampire and Buffy gritted her teeth, eager to find out what had really happened to Spike.

But she hadn't been prepared for the words that came out of the god kings mouth;

_ 'The half breed's wounds were mortal. I couldn't help him and he was dead within moments. I feel grief for him as I do for Wesley.'_

Illyria had turned piercing blue eyes to Buffy.

'_I wish to do more violence.'_

Buffy had slipped to the pavement. Her heart broken.

She failed him.

_Every night I save you._

Buffy tried hard to remember all the good times she and Spike spent together but just kept on coming back to the day at the hell mouth - when he'd died to save the world.

Her hand still tingled sometimes from where they had been joined by fire.

Her eyes started to tear as she remembered gripping Spike's hand in hers, palm to palm.

What no one knew, was how close she had come to turning back, to return and die with him. But that wasn't what he wanted for her. He wanted her to live. And this fact alone had carried her over the rooftops and on the top of the bus. That fact had out that plastered smile on her lips as she gazed out over the collapsed Hellmouth.

They couldn't be together in life or death and it'd been his last wish that she should _live_.

_There's no funerals for vampires…_

"Buffy?"

She turned around and faces Giles.

"Let's go home."

**Part Two: No You Don't.**

_There were so many of them... Vampires that came at her with full speed. She felt tired but she couldn't stop. Didn't want to either. She had to beat them back. Save them all. _

**_Death is my gift…_**

_"Buffy!"_

_She registered his voice and snatched when she saw the reason to his call out._

_"Spike!"_

_She ran to him. _

_**Spike...Oh, God... What was happening to him?** _

_She stopped in front of him, trying desperately to make sense of it all._

_"I can feel it, Buffy."_

_He looked so peaceful. Like he's finally found something that he'd been looking for all of his life. _

_**What was he talking about? What was it he could feel?**_

_"What?" _

_She barley got the words out. _

_**Oh, Jesus... What was going on?**_

_He turned his head ever so slightly and their eyes meet. His blue, blue eyes..._

_"My soul. It's really there."_

_He seemed to lost focus for a moment and his gaze fixed on something indeterminable that she couldn't see or feel._

_"It kind' a stings."_

_Chaos all around her. The others __scream. They're trying to escape. Everything was about to collapse on them. Rocks and debris falling down around her. Vampires vaporizing into nothing. They're all dust…_

_"Go on then."_

_His voice asking her to leave him. _

b_No! How could she ever? Had he the slightest idea about what he was asking her to do?_ /b

_She sh__ook her head in despair._

_"No! you done enough. You still can..."_

_**Oh, God, he'd done enough.** _

_If she had realized that this would be the outcome by giving him the amulet - she'd never given it to him. This was Angels fault. He..._

_"No... You beat them back. It's to me to do the clean-up."_

_**No!** _

_Buffy tried hard to find the words. Those who could make him come with her. To make it out of there alive. _

_As from a distance she could hear Faith screaming at her to hurry up. Couldn't the other slayer see what's happening to Spike? Or didn't she really care? And Spike who says; _

_"Got to move, luv. I guess it's safe to say that school's out for the bloody summer."_

**_Only he got make a joke during a moment like that._ Stupid vampire.**

_"Spike..."_

_"Mean it. I got to do this."_

_She saw that he meant it. That there wasn't anything that she could do to make him change his mind. She reached out her hand to his. Fingers linking with each other. She hold on to his hand while it caught on fire._

_"I love you."_

_He turned his head towards her, giving her a gentle glare as he was dying._

_"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."_

_She hold on to his eyes. _

_**I love you, Spike.** _

_Wanting to repeat the words__, but something hold her back. Perhaps that begging look in his mysterious eyes. Telling her that he didn't want her declaration of love._

_Suddenly something brought Buffy out of balance. The whole cave was shaking and trembling, about to collapse down on both of them. She looked at him helpless._

_"Now go!"_

_She pulled her hand out of his and ran up the stairs. Leaving him to meet his destiny. _

_Leaving him to die..._

Buffy woke with a start, frantically looking around.

_Oh God… It was a dream. Just a dream._

She frowned.

_Of course it was a dream, stupid. What did you think? That you were back in that cave? That place is gone. And so is he…_

Buffy got up from the bad and walked over to the window. It was dark outside and it matched her mood perfectly. She found the darkness comforting – and wasn't that hilarious?

_You belong here in the darkness. With me._

"Spike…"

A lone tear trickled down her cheek and she furiously wiped it away.

As if to join her in her grief, a bird landed on the wind shell and curiously peeked at the moody slayer.

"You know what?"

Buffy sighed heavily.

"I wish that I could go back and change everything. From the beginning. So that Spike and I could have a chance…"

Buffy clasped a hand over her mouth in shock.

_Oh crap!!_

There was a quick flash and the slayer barley got a look at a twisted woman's face before everything went black.

"Wish granted."

**Tbc…**


	5. Chapter Three

**Part One: Slaydar.**

Kara moved silently in the shadows, very ware of the fact that the slightest sound could attract the attention from the man she was stalking.

She'd been following him for about two hours, studying his fighting skills as he took on vampire and demons without hesitation.

It never seized to amaze her that he was so strong. So skilled. Without being a vampire.

_Who are you? Really?_

He suddenly stopped and so did she.

_Did he sense me?_

But in the next second a gang of three vampires appear into her view and she realized why Spike had stopped.

"Stake fodder," mumbled Spike and whipped out a stake from his back pocket.

When the first vampire launches itself at him, Spike jumps up, brings both legs into the air and wraps them around the demons neck. With a quick jerk of his legs the sounds of the demon's neck snapping echoes through the night. As Spike's arms are released the other two demons back up in shock.

Spike brings his arms over his head to catch himself before his head hit the ground. Then tucking himself into a roll as he hits the ground, Spike stands up. The two demons come running towards him screaming a battle cry.

The smallest of them reaches him first, his claw ready for the kill. Grabbing the vampire's hand, Spike spins around with his back to the attacker. He jerks the arm down and let the momentum take the claw into his attacker's stomach. He lets the body tumble to the ground.

The other demon is on him before he could catch his breath. His arm is around Spike's throat, and we see how he instantly began to tighten his grip.

Spike - using his own body, flips the vampire over his shoulder, automatically causing his throat to be released. Then by digging his knee into his opponent's stomach, Spike grabs its head and with a quick twist, he snaps his second neck for the evening.

And all that Kara could do was to watch in awe.

_My hero…_

Suddenly he spun around and locked gaze with her, startling her by that action. So he had been aware of her presence!!

"Kara?"

She nodded as she stepped out from the shadows.

"Hi."

His incredibly blue eyes roamed over her appearance and she felt very self confident when she noticed the pleased sparkle in the mysterious depths.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you."

_Better lie. He's so protective. Can't let him know…_

Spike simply stared and Kara began to feel uneasy.

_Crap!!_

"You're a slayer."

_How the hell could he know that?_

"How…?"

"Could this be any more ironic?"

"Spike?"

Kara watched in wonder as he threw his hands up in the air and began pacing.

"A slayer! A fucking bloody slayer!!"

_He seem somewhat hostile against slayers._

_No shit._

_What should I do?_

_I don't know. Seduce him?_

_Yeah, like that would work. Or…?_

_I say; Go for it. Spike likes sex._

_He sure does. Wait a sec… Spike!!_

_And slayers._

_Spike and slayers. There's a bell ringing_. _Could it be…?_

_It could._

_But he's dead. And he was a vampire._

_I know. But…_

_Did I mention he's supposed to be dust?_

_Weirder things has happened._

"You're Spike. **The **Spike. Slayer of slayers. The vampire with a soul that destroyed the Sunnydale Hellmouth."

And was in love with Buffy Summers.

_Shut up._

_No need to get nasty. But he did love her. Passionately._

_I know…_

Spike nodded grimly.

"And you're a slayer."

_He's right, you know. This is ironic._

"Oh…"

**Part Two: Reality Bends To Its Own Will.**

Spike cursed the day he was told about slayers. He cursed the git (Angel) who told him about them. But mostly he cursed the day he fell in love with one.

_Buffy._

Slayers are stubborn. They're irritating. Bossy. Fierce. Strong. Sexy. Clueless. Leaders. Brave. Beautiful. And a real pain in the arse. Literally.

Spike had actually believed that he was done with slayers. Home free.

_Idiot._

"Spike?"

He turned around to gaze down at the frowning Kara.

_That's me. The one and only._

"Are you mad at me?"

_'s that a trick question?_

_Don't answer that!!_

_Like I don't know that. Ponce!!_

_You could be stupid sometimes. And shirty._

_'m not shirty. And Buffy was right; Is that even a word?_

_Oh, just zip it!_

"Spike?"

_Just answer her!!_

"No. 'm not angry at you."

_Just at myself._

_Didn't I tell you to zip it?!_

He growled.

_Moron._

"But you're not okay with it. Me being a slayer."

"'s just that I thought that I was done with your kind."

"That's harsh, Spike."

"Lady, you haven't even seen how harsh I can be."

He could practically see the temper rising in her taut little body. Steaming. Her tiny fists balled as if restraining herself from lashing out at him. Like he wasn't used to slayers pounding on him. Her eyes blazed when they meets his.

_Look at that. She's beautiful beyond words._

_Slayers usually are._

_Agreed._

"Why are you like this?"

_Man, she can whine with the best of them._

_Maybe she's got a reason to whine. You're pretty rude to her._

_Rude?_

_Yeah! _

_Am I to rude even?_

_Always!_

_But I can't help it. Can I?_

_Pass!_

_You think I should make it up to her?_

_Duh!_

_Ponce._

"Ah!!" Kara cried out and kicked his leg with her toe tip.

It hurt. What is it with slayers and violence?

"I wish you could just get over yourself and that freaky conviction that slayers are bad! I wish…" she continued, ignoring Spike frantic gestures for her to stop. "I wish that you never fell in love with Buffy Summers. I wish that you had a chance to experience true love and not that sick and twisted relationship you two obviously had."

Spike stopped trying to get her to stop the tirade and put down his hands in surrender as he bowed his head in despair.

"And do you know what I wish?" he whispered and gave in. cause it was already to late to redeem the damage. "I wish I never heard of layers."

_That's it. You're screwed._

_Goodbye to you too. Poof._

_Oh. Just stick it up…_

There was a violent explosion and suddenly there was a woman standing in front of them. Her face was twisted in its demon disguise.

"Wish granted."

And everything went black.

**tbc…**


	6. Chapter Four

**Part One: The Butterfly Effect**

_Wish granted._

Dry lips were pressed against hers.

Buffy blinked and stared in disbelief.

"Angel?"

_Angel lips!! Lips of Angel!! Gross…?_

The dark haired vampire drew back and returned her gaze with a frown.

_Oh dear, did he always look so broody?_

"What is it, Buffy?"

"I… er…" she nibbled at her lower lip and saw his gaze immediately focus on her mouth.

_Oh, right. We're probably still together._

_Creepy…_

_Tell me about it._

_Spike!! Focus on Spike!!_

"Buffy?"

"Where's Spike?"

Angel looked strangely at her.

"How can you know about Spike?"

_Crap!!_

"Uh… You must have mentioned him at some time."

It really didn't look like the vampire believed her. In fact, he looked real suspicious. She tried on a reassuring smile.

Obviously he didn't buy it; because now he looked grim.

"Buffy?"

"You must have mentioned him, Angel. How can I else know anything about him?"

_Go for that innocent look. Angel always falls for that one._

_Sneaky._

_All is fair in love and war._

_Is there a war now?_

_Ah, you know what I mean. Now – look innocent!!_

Buffy tilted her head back and fired off a sweet, oh so sweet, smile at the confused vampire. It seemed to work, for his axels relaxed and he let out a small sigh. She recognized the expression on his face as patient.

"But why would you ask after him now?"

_Think quickly!_

"I've heard that The Night of St. Vigeous is coming soon. I thought that maybe a vampire like Spike would be interested in taking advantage off a situation like that."

"A vampire like Spike?"

There was real confusion in Angel's voice but Buffy couldn't understand why.

"Yeah, you know; evil vampire with a bloodied tooth for killing slayers."

"Buffy…" Angel shook his head and meet her gaze with puzzlement. "Spike has never killed a slayer. As far as I know."

_What?!!_

"What?!!"

"Why would he?"

"Oh, I don't know… Maybe because that's what he's famous for?"

Another frown.

"I don't know what you've heard, Buffy. But I swear that Spike hasn't killed a single slayer. He doesn't even know what a 'slayer' is for God's sake!!"

_Whoa!! Wait… What?_

"He doesn't know about slayers?"

_What the hell?_

Angel nodded solemnly.

"Yes." Sigh. "Look. Buffy; Spike is a complicated vampire and I haven't seen or heard from him in years. Not since I got my soul. All I can tell you is that he's rumored to have fallen in love with a woman in the end of the nineteenth century, a human girl."

_Spike loved someone. Someone that wasn't **me**._

"And…Drusilla?"

"You know about her too?" Sigh. "Drusilla died shortly after siring Spike. She saw something in her visions that made her ramble about sunshine's, goddesses and a spark that would consume everything in its path. She killed herself with a stake."

"Wow… That's just… something."

They looked at each other in silence for a short while.

_More info about Spike!! You need to know more!!_

"So… where's Spike now?"

Suspicious glare.

"Why are you so interested in him? Buffy?"

"Well… You know… I'm always interested where I can find the next soulless vampire to introduce to my stake."

This time Angel really seemed taken back by her remark and she frown in confuse. What did she say now?

"Buffy…" Angel started slowly. "Spike isn't soulless."

_Huh?_

"What?"

"Spike loved Kara so much that he went through the demon trails to get himself a soul."

**Part Two: The Vampire With A Soul**

Buffy stormed into Giles's apartment, slamming the door behind her with an audible bang that actually made the windows rattle.

"Giles!!"

Her watcher appeared in the doorway leading into the kitchen area with a cup in his hands. Probably tea.

_Predictable Englishmen._

"What's the matter, Buffy?"

"I need everything you have on a vampire known as Spike."

There was a slight silence and she noticed his puzzlement.

"Spike?" Pause. "How can you know anything about him?"

A deep sigh.

"Angel must've mentioned him at some point."

"Ah."

"So?"

"So what?"

_Suddenly I get why Spike never really got along with my watcher. He can be denser than me sometimes._

_I thought that was virtually impossible._

_Bitch._

_And proud f it._

"I… I just need to know, Giles." Begging look. "Please."

Giles mumbled something, disappeared for a minute and then came back with a thick book.

_The watcher's journal._

_Info about Spike!_

_Duh._

_Shut up._

Giles placed the book on the table and stepped away as Buffy hastily reached after it. He seemed anxious for some reason.

"There's not much in there about this particular vampire," he informed her and rubbed his nose in a familiar manner. "Only that he was sired by Drusilla and that the two of them lived together for some years before she, for some reason, killed herself. Then it says that Spike stopped a young woman from getting killed by Dracula and that he fell in love with that very same woman. Her name was Kara and they were a couple until her death. But most noticeable is that Spike went to Africa and went through the demon trials in order to restore his soul."

_For her._

_Once it was for you._

_I've totally screwed up things, haven't I?_

_Guess again. Smartass._

_Crap._

Buffy could literally feel the nausea rising in her throat and she felt the sudden urge to run screaming out of the house and wail against the moon. She backed away from the table, clutching the book against her chest.

Giles looked strangely at her – and why shouldn't he? Her behaviour must seem quite irrational to him.

"Buffy…?"

She quickly turned on her heels and fled the house.

She didn't slow down until she was out of sight and with bathed breaths reached for her cell.

_I need Willow. She'll put everything in perspective._

_But this would be rather hard to explain._

_True that. Oh, she's answering…_

"Willow Rosenberg."

"Hello? It's me." Buffy said in a weak voice.

"Buffy?" Her dear friend asked from the other side of the line.

"Yeah."

"Is something wrong? You sound… different."

"Spike has no idea who I am."

"Huh?"

"So what if I made a wish and totally screwed up things?" She pouted. "It wasn't supposed to happen this way! I wished that he and I could have a fresh start! Well, it's fresh alright. He doesn't even remember me!!" She began to shout.

"Spike? Who's Spike and what's with the wishing talk? Buffy, you're not making any sense."

"I hate vengeance demons. They're EVIL." She trumpeted.

"Buffy, call down."

"I *am* calm." Buffy pouted some more. "I'm perfectly calm considering the situation."

"Which is?"

"I made a wish and everything got messed up."

"A wish regarding some guy named…Spike?"

"Yes." Buffy admitted between sobs.

"And…?"

"And I want my Spike back."

"And you care about…Spike?"

"Yes."

"Buffy, do you want me to go over there?"

"Yes." She replied weakly. Then she quickly changes her mind. "No!!"

"What?"

"I need to find him."

"Spike?"

"Yes. I'm going to find him."

_And when I do I want let him out of my sight. Not until he loves me back._

_Good luck with that._

_Well, thank you._

_I was being sarcastic._

_Screw you._

_Isn't the proper term; screw him?_

_Yeah, when I find him._

_What the hell are you waiting for then?!_

Evil smile forming on her lips.

"Will? I'm going hunting."

**Tbc…**


	7. Chapter Five

**Part One: Strangers**

Spike knew he was followed the second he stepped out of the demon bar. But he didn't know who was following him or why.

He could smell her tough. A young woman.

_Vanilla._

_And something else._

_Something strong._

As he walked the dark streets he made sure to act like he was oblivious to her presence. If he'd been an ordinary vampire he would simply have made her a snack by now – but he was everything but ordinary and that's why he was so curious to why a woman would follow him for blocks.

Spike chanced a look over his shoulder and got a quick glimpse of long blond hair and a petite figure. She was little, this one, but yet she radiated strength beyond anything he's ever felt before.

_Peculiar._

When Spike reached the outskirts of a dark cemetery he suddenly grew weary of this cat and mouse game to which he had no idea why it took place anyway.

"Come out, little girl," he snarled and turned around to face the silent figure standing under an old oak tree. "I know you're there."

The woman, or girl actually, stepped out from the shadows and he could finally see all of her. And by the heavens, she was gorgeous.

"I knew you could feel me," she said with a bright smile. "You always could."

_What the bloody hell is she talking about?_

_Obviously she's a loony._

_To bad. She's so hot._

_A finally!_

_Finally what?_

_You look at a girl and feel attracted to her. Progress, mate. Progress._

"What?"

The girl stepped even closer and he almost backed away when the power that radiated from her became even more apparent.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you always managed to find me – no matter how far away I was. It wasn't just the vampire sense of smell that made that possible. It was something only you could do. Like a mini Buffy-radar."

"Look, lady, I don't even know you. You're not making any sense."

Now she looked frustrated for some unexplainable reason and Spike repressed a sigh. It figured that he would end up with this town's nutcase. He always seemed to attract the most kind of trouble.

"I know you don't remember me," the girl said impatiently. "Willow managed to knit together a spell that told us that you're past is all wobbly. Like someone interfered with it."

"U'huh."

"But you must trust me, okay? We know each other. At least, we're supposed too."

"If someone hadn't messed up my past."

"Yes!!"

He simply stared at her in amazement.

"You're a real nut job, aren't you?"

"I'm not!!" Pause. "Aren't you curious to have I could find you?"

He shrugged.

"You probably saw me at the bar and decided to play tag with me for some crazy reason."

"I'm not crazy!!" She pouted and darn it – she looked so cute when she did that. "I knew who you were! Don't you get it? Spike, we're supposed to be together!!"

"How the hell can you know my name?"

_You've been sloppy. No one's supposed to know you exist anymore._

_I didn't think anyone knew._

_She does._

_That's crazy._

_I don't see a restraining jacket anywhere on her body. Her hot, tight body…_

_You need to get laid._

_I've been saying that for ages now._

_Shut up._

"I've been telling you," the girl whined and his focused returned to her. "Argh!! I wish I never made that stupid wish!"

"Wish?" frowning. "Magic always has consequences."

Now she looked like she would go up in particles.

"I know!!" Deep breath. "Spike, I need you to listen to me."

"Fine." He sighed. "Tell me everything."

And she did.

**Part Two: Buffy the Vampire Slayer**

Buffy looked expectantly at Spike.

The vampire frowned, let his eyes roam over her entire being, frowned again and then he rubbed his nose.

"You're name is Buffy Summers and you're from the future."

_It does sound kind'a strange when he puts it like that._

_Told you that he wouldn't believe you._

_A girl gotta try._

_She sure does._

"Aha."

Another frown.

"And you're a… slayer?"

"U'huh."

Pause.

"What's a slayer again?"

She stared in misbelieve.

"I told you!!"

"Yeah." Hesitation. "I'm not buying it."

"Why?"

"If there was a thing called 'slayers' shouldn't I at least have known about it? I mean, you say slayers are a vampire's worst nightmare – but I never heard of such a creature."

_Patience, Buffy. Violence will get you nowhere._

_Put a cork in it. Violence is like foreplay to Spike._

_Not this one._

_We don't know that._

_True. But I would advice you to not take that course of action._

_Whatever._

"But it's true. And I am. A slayer."

He looked at her as she was some undiscovered bug.

"You're not for real, are you?"

_Patience my ass._

Buffy struck out with her fist and delivered a blow that sent him flying away. If she couldn't talk him into believing her, maybe her actions would do the job.

As Spike lay on the ground, rubbing his chin, he gazed up at her in wonder.

"Damn, you're strong."

"Told you."

"No human is that strong."

"Unless she's a slayer."

He slowly got back up on his feet and turned to face her with a small smile playing on his lips.

"Okay," he said. "I'm beginning to believe you. You're a slayer." Pause. "But what I don't get is that you're saying that we're supposed to know each other. I've never seen you before."

"That's because I changed the past. In the future you know me all to well."

"And that's where you're from; the future."

"Yes."

"Why?"

Sigh.

"I made a wish."

"A wish."

"U'huh."

"And you're looking for me because…?"

_Here goes nothing…_

"I love you."

He seemed taken back by that simple phrase. Three little words…

"Look… I'm flattered… But…"

"You don't remember me. I get it." Stern gaze. "But I will change that."

There was a slight silence as Spike once again scrutinized her. Then, all of the sudden, his hand reached out for hers and with some hesitation she laid her hand in his.

"Then let's get properly introduced," he said with a grin. "Hi, I'm Spike."

Buffy's heart was racing now.

_Please. Please. PLEASE._

"I'm Buffy."

**Tbc…**


	8. Chapter Six

**Part One: The Slayer Who Loves Me**

Spike found himself sitting on the edge of a very girlishly bed (pink sheets –and there were hearts all over it too) being carefully scrutinized by two young women. The first one being Buffy and the second a redhead who had introduced herself as Willow 'the slayers best friend and obviously a practising Wicca'. The later didn't really seem so sure about that last statement. That didn't really put a lot of faith in either two of them.

"He's cute," the redhead said and nodded approvingly.

_Gee, thanx._

"What will you do know when you've found him?"

_Like I'm some bleeding dog. Christ._

_At least they're candy for the eyes._

_Yeah. Always something._

"I don't know, Wills," Buffy said and gazed down at Spike, who started feeling very frustrated about the whole situation.

"Look," he began, only to cut it short when he noticed the slight pout on Buffy's lips.

_Look at that lip. Gonna get it…_

_Whoa!! Where did bthat/b come from?!_

_Hell if I know. Sounded good, 's all._

"Look," he resumed a little firmer, "I came along to get some answers. Not to be examined like some undiscovered bug under a bloody microscope."

"And you'll get your answers," Buffy promised and sent the redhead a pleading look. "We both will as soon as Willow can figure out a spell to discover what made the past all… wrong."

"Er…" Willow seemed too anxious to be convincing. "Yes. As soon as I come up with a… spell." She turned to face Buffy. "Are you really sure about this, Buffy?"

The girl, also known as the 'slayer', nodded grimly and laid a reassuring hand on the other girls shoulder.

"I know that you have it in you, Wills."

Suddenly she got a strange look in her face as if she remembered something that brought back bad memories and Spike felt a twinge of curiosity. Did it have something to do with the witch's supposedly powers? Had the redhead done something in the future – and how messed up was it not that he actually accepted that theory, which hurt Buffy?

The girls both turned to face him once again and he fired off a megawatt smile just for the sake of it. And it seemed to work as both flushed bright red. Especially the slayer seemed affected by his attention as he suddenly could smell the excitement on her.

_Interesting._

_She sure does react fast. Little minx._

_She claims that she loves you._

_Ah, about that…_

_I know, it still sounds very strange._

_U'huh._

_But think about it… To be loved so much…_

_Already been loved like that. Remember?_

_I do remember. But **she's** dead. Been for a long time._

_But…_

_And didn't she tell you that there would be a day when you would be able to love again?_

_She also told me to avoid blonds._

_Yeah, what was that about?!_

_Don't know._

_Twit. _

"Spike?"

"Huh?"

The slayer stood with her feet spread and her hands on her hips, looking very much like a general commanding her troops – in this case him and Willow.

"Have you even been listening?" Noticing his aloofness. "This is so not the best time to get on my nerves, Spike."

"Sorry," he mumbled and meets her gaze head on. "But I can't see the relevance of this conversation. It's bloody obvious that the little Wicca has no idea how to perform this spell you're babbling about. Isn't that right, red?"

The witch frowned at him and then tried on a jittery smile as the slayer whirled around to face her.

"Is this true? Will?"

Suddenly the ringing tones from the phone echoed from the hall and with a shrug on her shoulders the redhead made a hasty retreat.

_Saved by the bell._

_Literally._

Buffy now turned her full attention back to Spike and he repressed a sigh. This wasn't really how he imagined things would turn out. He'd only wanted to get better acquainted with the hot girl who obviously seemed obsessed about him. She was a real firecracker.

"I know you still have your doubts," she began and hunched at his feet. "Spike, look at me."

He meets her firm gaze and felt something inside him melt and crack.

"I want you to know that I do love you."

_No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."_

_What the hell?!! Where did bthat/b come from?_

"Buffy?" Willow came back and gave the slayer a peeved look. "It was your mum. She wanted me to remind you that it was parent-teacher's night."

Buffy looked downright appalled.

"Oh, crap!!"

**Part Fourteen: The Big Bad Wicca**

"Don't you worry, Spike. I think I finally got it right," Willow said and dared a wobbly smile.

_Can't believe the slayer left me alone with this ball of nervous energy._

_She obviously thinks this parent-teacher night is more important._

_Yeah. She seemed quite anxious actually._

_Haha. Did you see the look in her face before she ran away?_

_Sure did._

_That was fun._

_Sure was._

Silence.

_Wonder when she's coming back._

_Me too. This witch gives me the creeps._

Spike warily watched as the redhead placed a cauldron half-full of water on a table. The witch slowly lit two purple candles and incense that smelled like lavender. Silently she placed her hands lightly on either side of the object and breathed gently onto the water.

"Cauldron reveal to me that which I seek.

Great Mother, open my inner eye that I may truly see."

Spike gasped in surprise as the witch suddenly drew back form the cauldron. Her eyes were pitch black and her entire being seemed to spasm violently.

"Willow?"

Spike let out a breath as the girl suddenly slumped forward and her eyes returned to their usual colour.

"Willow?" he tried again and watched as she lifted her head to look in his direction.

"Wow," the witch breathed and raised a hand to her chest. "The power…"

"Yeah, I saw it."

_I don't like this. One bit._

_Neither do I. She seems to be on some kind of power trip._

_Magic always has consequences._

_Tell me about it._

"It's…" Willow blinked and then a grin spread on her face. "It's… intoxicating."

"Yeah…" Pause. "Did you see anything?"

Her focus returned solemnly to him and he repressed the sudden urge to shrink back as he noticed the over glazed look in her eyes.

"I saw it all," she stated and got up on her feet. "And I know what happened to you. Both in the future and in the past."

Silence.

"Which is…?"

"Three wishes were made. Three wills intertwined. Yours, the slayers and Kara's."

"Kara?"

Willow nodded and inched closer to him.

"She also was from the future. It was her wish that sent you back into the past. A past were you would not know about slayers. A past were you could come to love her without the memory of Buffy standing in the way."

"Are you saying that Kara made a wish that made me… forget? Everything?"

Willow inched even closer and Spike leaned away as she now was only a breath away.

"Yes." Her eyes became clouded for a second. "But I can fix it."

"You can?" Spike gulped. "How?"

He was caught by surprise as her hand snatched forward, gripping a strand of his hair. What the hell was she up to now?

"I will set it right," she hummed and closed her eyes.

Spike's eyes widened as his entire body shook in pain from the forces this little girls was about to set in motion. His very being reared in protest, but he found himself powerless to stop her.

_Buffy!!_

Then everything exploded in a bright light and the world changed yet again.

**Tbc…**


	9. Chapter Seven

**Part One: What Was Lost**

Buffy blinked. The last thing she remembered was standing by the punch and getting thoroughly insulted by Snyder. That and a bright light before everything went black.

_Oh, no. Not again…_

Buffy fought to get her bearing straight. She was obviously lying on a bed. The room was dark and somewhat familiar. And the feeling between her thighs also…

_Oh, God… Not this… I can't…_

_Get a grip. It's not like you haven't done it before._

_And it almost killed me…_

_Snap out off it!!_

Buffy repressed a sob and tried to focus on her surroundings.

She was in fact in Angel's bed. The bed in which she'd lost her virginity and Angel lost his soul.

Shivering, she reached for her clothes and hastily out them on. Searching the room for the dark vampire, but not finding him. Yet.

Getting up from the bed, Buffy cast a quick glance at the door. When it suddenly opened and her 'lover' came in, she was ready. At least this time.

"Lost something?"

Angel shut the door behind him and let his eyes roam over her dishevelled being. Then, very slowly, an animalistic grin spread across his face.

"I think I've just found something." Pause. "Lover."

Buffy looked at the vampire and felt remorse. It was her fault that Angel was gone.

_No, wait… Don't go down that road again. There's no way in hell you could have known that this would be the outcome of sleeping with the man you love._

_Loved._

_You say tomato…_

_At least I know what to expect now. And how we can restore his soul._

_That's something._

_What I can't phantom is how we ended up here._

_I didn't make another wish._

_Me neither._

_But here we are._

_Here we are._

Buffy turned her focus to the grinning vampire.

"You're soul is gone."

"You're obviously a lot smarter than I ever have given you credit for," he said and shrugged. "But that doesn't stop me from destroying you and everything you love."

Buffy frowned.

_This isn't how it should play itself out._

_And what the hell is he talking about?_

"If you hurt my family or friends I'll kill you. Without hesitation."

Angel inched closer and it took all off Buffy's willpower to not back away from him. She forced herself to remember that there was a way of restoring his soul – to remember that Angel still was in there, somewhere.

"You can't do it." He said triumphantly. "You can't kill me."

Buffy closed her eyes for a shot respite, before meeting his consuming gaze.

"Give me time."

And with that she turned on her heels and left the dark room, silently shutting the door behind her.

_Time to go and be heroes…_

**Part Two: Consequences**

"This is so not how I wanted it to happen."

Spike came back to consciousness with Willow's voice ringing in his ears. He shook his head to clear it and then blinked when he noticed that the surroundings had changed. Tough they were still in the same room, it looked moderately different. Gone was the pink sheets and they had been replaced with blue silk and was that sexy underwear lying on the floor?

"What…" His mouth felt very dry and he carefully darted his tongue out to wet his lips, noticing that the witch followed his every movement. "What did you do?"

"I tried to get you back to the future." She puffed her chest indignantly. "But that didn't work. I think Buffy's wish somehow keeps you – and I think her too, in the past."

"But you did something." He gestured around the room. "This place is different."

"I think I managed to bring us into a very near future." She gazed over at a calendar on the wall. "A couple of weeks at its most."

Spike decided to take the news in stride but then he remembered something.

_Buffy!!_

"What about Buffy?" he asked silently. "Where is she? Is she alright?" Pause. "Will she remember…?"

Willow nodded firmly.

"I think so. After all; both you and I remember everything clearly. She should as well."

Spike contemplated that information before heaving a deep sigh.

"I hope she's alright."

"Oh, I'm alright."

Willow and Spike quickly spun around at the sound of the slayers voice.

She stood in the door opening, looking grim but beautiful and Spike's heart cracked at the sight of her.

"But I'm curious to what the hell happened. Because I sure the hell didn't make another wish." She shook her head. "No, I think I've learned my lesson."

"It was the spell," Willow spurted out and looked dreadful. "I thought I knew how to fix it – but it sort of backfired…"

"I noticed." Buffy pressed her lips together as she slowly entered the room. "Look, Willow; I appreciate the effort, but you've just made everything ten times worse."

"I did?" Willow shrunk back and Spike suddenly pitied her.

"What's the matter, Buffy?"

She turned tortured eyes to him.

"Angel has lost his soul."

Silence.

"How the bloody hell could that happened?" Spike asked in disbelief.

Buffy looked away and avoided their gazes.

"That's not important," she said and took a deep breath. "What is important is that I know a way of how to restore it."

"You do?" Willow asked amazed. Then she blinked. "Of course you do."

Spike gazed from woman to woman, feeling left out of the loop – when it suddenly dawned on him.

"Are you telling us that the great git already lost his soul…" confused frown. "In the past? Or is it now?" Hesitation. "Or the future…?"

Buffy met his gaze and he could see that this whole situation weighed heavy on her slim shoulders. Obviously there was more to the story behind her and his grandsire than he would have guessed in the first place.

"Yes." It was a simple answer and Spike decided to not press the issue any further.

"Yes," she repeated and turns to face the witch. "And now it has happened again. And we have to make it right, Willow."

"How?"

Buffy seemed to think hard about a solution and suddenly her face lit up in a radiating smile.

"Jenny Calendar!"

Willow frowned.

"The teacher?"

Buffy nodded.

"She's a descendent from the gypsies that cursed Angel in the first place. She knows have to restore Angel's soul." And then silently. "And she's still alive…"

"Then what are we waiting for?" Spike asked with a grin. "Let's go and save the day."

Buffy sent him a megawatt smile.

"Have I told you that I love you?"

Spike nodded solemnly.

"You keep telling me, slayer."

Silence.

"And one day you'll believe me."

The three of them exited the room – without noticing the hunching figure outside the window who had been listening in on the conversation.

A small smile spread over Angelus features when he heard the slayer confess her love for the blonde vampire.

"Interesting."

**Tbc…**


	10. Chapter Eight

**Part One: Angel Of Death**

When Buffy, Willow and Spike arrived to Jenny Calendar's apartment it was already too late. They found the gypsy dead and her body carefully arranged on the bed.

There was note in Angel's handwriting:

**One down…**

Buffy crushed the paper in her hand and turned to face the pale Willow and silent Spike.

"This is Angelus doing."

"He must've known that she held the key to restoring his soul," Willow whispered. "But how…?"

Buffy shook her head.

"We have no time to think about that." Looking down at the dead woman. "All we can do is to take care of Jenny and then find a way to stop Angelus before he awakens Achatla."

There was a brief pause.

"Achatla?" Spike asked with raised eyebrows.

Willow only nodded.

"I remember this from the future I saw through the spell. It would be Angelus first priority even this time." She turned to face the slayer. "Are you really ready for this?"

_Yes._

_No._

_I don't know._

"Yes."

The three of them shared looks, before turning to Jenny's body again.

"What should we do with it?"

"With what?"

All three turned in simultaneous shock at the sound of Rupert Giles's voice. And there the watcher was – standing in the doorway with a bottle of wine in his right hand and a bouquet of roses in his left.

"Giles!!"

He frowned at them and then tried to look over the wall that their shoulders made.

"What's going on? Where's Jenny?"

Silence.

"Buffy?"

Buffy shook her head and stepped out of the way so that her watcher could see the dead woman lying on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Giles."

"Oh my God… Jenny…"

Both flowers and wine crash to the floor as Giles drops them to run towards the bed. He kneels beside it and reaches out a hand to grasp Jenny's.

"Giles…" Buffy lays a hand on his trembling shoulder.

"Who did this?" Cold eyes meet hers and she can barely recognize her mentor.

"Angelus."

"Angelus?" Giles frowned and looked down at the woman he loved. "How…? I mean…"

"Angel lost his soul," Willow said and wiped her nose. "He's evil again. And he killed Ms Calendar because she knew of a way to restore his soul."

"Giles." Buffy kneeled beside him and forced him to look at her. "I'm really sorry, but we got to stop him. We need your help."

"Yes." He nodded. "We have to kill him."

"No." Buffy shook her head. "We need to restore his soul."

"He's a monster, Buffy." Giles voice was voided from all feelings – except anger, as he met her gaze. "He doesn't deserve to live. Not after what he did to Jenny."

"Angel is still in there." Buffy blinked away the tears. "And he deserves another chance."

"Buffy is right," Willow stated. "We can still help him."

_Can we really?_

_Yes._

_Why?_

_Because Angel is innocent in this._

_Is he?_

_Yes._

_Then do what you have to do._

"Willow." Buffy focused on her friend. "There's a disk behind Jenny's desk. I think the solution's there." Pause. "Hurry."

Willow nodded and quickly left the room.

"Spike?" Buffy meet his blue gaze. "Go with her. Make sure she's safe."

He nodded and was soon gone also.

Buffy turned to face the grim watcher.

"Giles." Waiting for him to look up at her. "I'm going to fix this. I promise you."

_I promise you all._

**Part Two: The Best Laid Plans**

Spike monitored the redheaded witch as she inserted the disk into the hard drive. It was funny that he trusted her – and the slayer, so easily. Almost as if he knew them from before. Or was it the future? It was all so confusing.

_Never expected this, did you_

_Hell no._

_Gotta admit is exciting though._

_Could live without that teacher dying._

_Poor woman._

_Dying at the hands of Angelus. What a way to go._

_You were once like him._

_Don't remind me._

_Wonder what it's like… Losing your soul like that._

_You once did._

_Yeah… Got it back fair and square tough._

_And I still applaud you for that._

_Thank you._

_You're welcome._

"Spike?"

Returning to the moment in hand, the vampire meet Willow's wondering gaze. She looked at him like he was a puzzle that she could solve.

_Good luck with that._

"What is it?"

"I found the spell." She looked at the screen. "I think I can do it."

"I rather prefer if you didn't."

They both swung around to face the dark haired vampire as he stepped out from the shadows at the far end of the room.

_Sire!!_

_Shut up, fool. He's not your sire._

_He was my Yoda._

_He's nothing._

_He's Angel._

_Angel of Death…_

Spike growled.

"Angel."

"Spike," the other vampire greeted with a slight nod. "Long time no see."

"Not nearly long enough."

A snickering laughter.

"Always the bright one!!" Inching closer. "Not too bright tough. Or else you would have felt my presence a long time ago."

_I thought I smelled rat._

_Good one._

_I know._

"What do you want?"

"Isn't that the million dollar question?" Grinning, Angel stepped closer to Spike. "How about b you/b?"

_Huh?_

_What the hell is he talking about?_

_Beats me._

"Spike, look out!!" Willow screamed behind the blond vampire.

It was too late tough. He never had a chance to see the object that connected to his head. All he saw before everything went black was Willow's terrified expression.

_I failed…_

But before he lost all contact with reality he managed to get out a warning:

"Willow, run!!"

**Tbc…**


	11. Chapter Nine

**Part One: Tears Don't Fall**

_Home sweet home._

Buffy was walking down the street, remembering every event that had taken place there. And there were a lot of memories to process. Both good and bad. Heavy on the bad…

It was strange to be back in Sunnydale – knowing that the town shouldn't really exist. It should be a crater…

_All because of Spike…_

Spike had single-handedly closed the Sunnydale Hellmouth for good. He'd been the hero…

_Champion…_

_**Champion.**_

…that she knew he was.

Had he known? When she handed him the amulet that it would lead to his death? Had he known during those last hours as they laid huddled on the cot, that it would be the last time he held her in his arms? That it would be the last time he caressed her hair and breathed in her scent – as he liked to do?

And if he had known… why had he taken the amulet in the first place?

_We are not all gonna make it. You know that?_

_I always knew I would go down fighting._

And, boy, did he ever. In fact, he'd never stopped fighting. He'd fought against Angel(us), trying to win the elder vampire's respect. He fought against two slayers and killed them. Against **her**. He'd fought his feelings for her – then fought for her love. Tried so hard to get accepted by the Scoobies. Stood up against Glory for Dawn. Battled for his soul…

_Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind a man who would nev… To be a kind of man… And all shall look upon him with forgiveness and everyone will forgive and love. He will be loved…_

Buffy came to a halt in front of her house, studying it with tears in her eyes. Tears she didn't dare to let fall. Cause if she let them there would be no stop to them.

_Home._

_Mom._

_Safe…_

With bathed breath, she walked the path to the front door. She was only a few meters away when it swung open ad she came to a second halt.

"Buffy?"

"Mom…"

Buffy was suddenly a blur of motion as she ran up the stairs and into her mother's arms.

"Mom!!"

Safely in her beloved mom's arms, Buffy entered the house she'd never expected to see – or set foot in again.

She was home and everything would be okay. Hopefully.

Then the call came. Just as she passed the threshold.

The ID placed the call as Willow's.

"Buffy…" The witch's voice was unrecognisable. "He took Spike."

"What…?"

"Angel has Spike. We were wrong… we should have done something sooner…"

_It was may call._

_You risked Spike's life._

_Oh God…_

_You always hurt the ones you love._

"Buffy, what's wrong?"

Buffy turned to face Joyce and with a quiet sob she let herself find comfort in her arms once again.

_Spike…_

**Part Two: Remembrance**

He was going to die.

_I'm not ready for you to not be here…_

With Buffy's voice ringing in his head, Spike struggled against the thick ropes that held him firmly to the pole.

He didn't recognize the words, but the voice and the sincerity in them shook him into the core.

Where they a memory from the future, hidden deep in his subconscious due to the wishes that had been made? Would be made… A fellow could get really confused thinking about those kinds of things.

_Never thought it would end like this._

_I hope you understand that it's the soul that has put you in this mess._

_What?_

_Without a bloody soul you wouldn't be in this mess. You would never have followed that blond slayer and gotten your life turned upside down._

_Ha ha. Funny._

_Not trying to be. Why did you go and get the soul in the first place?_

_Because Kara asked me to._

_Aha!!_

_What?_

_Think about it; how could she have known where you could find it? She practically gave you the directions._

_You got a point there._

_I know!!_

How could Kara have known about the soul?

According to Willow, Kara had been from the future as well. And like Buffy – and apparently him, she had made a wish. And it was these three wished that made a mess of everything.

_Magic always have consequences._

_I keep telling them that._

_Them?_

_Yeah. bthem/b. The whelp and the others. Scobbies._

_What?!_

Silence.

_I think I'm starting to remember things._

_Me too._

_Okay… Focus. What do I remember – exactly?_

_Thinking here…_

_**Buffy**. I remember her._

_Remember loving her._

_Getting my soul for her._

Silence.

_Kara stole that from you._

_She stole a lot from me._

_Your memory of Buffy._

_**Buffy…**_

"You know, I don't get it."

Angel's voice broke through the maze that was Spike's mind and he focused on the dark haired vampire that approached him with a dagger in his hand.

"What?"

"That Buffy could actually love someone like you." He sighed. "But then again," he leaned forward, "She seems to have and odd fixation for vampires with souls."

_You may not see it. But I do… I believe in you, Spike…_

"I can smell it all over you, you know," the elder vampire continued and sneered. "That burning spark inside you. I finally get why Drusilla staked herself." Pause. "She couldn't bare the thought off what you've become."

Angel lifted the hand holding the dagger with malice written all over his face. And Spike felt a pang of regret that he would never get the chance to tell Buffy that he remembered her now. Never get a chance to tell her that he loves her.

_You're the One, Buffy…_

"Let's see if the soul can make you scream for me."

_Cause it's always about the blood…_

And with that he brought the dagger straight into Spike's chest.

And Spike screamed…

**Tbc…**


	12. Chapter Ten

**Part One: How To Kill a Lover**

Joyce looked calm.

_Calm is good._

"And now you have to stop Angel from destroying the world?"

_Wow, she take this a lot better than the first time around._

_I'm as stunned as you._

_Stunned? Try gob smacked._

_Could be that Willow, Xander and Giles are here to back up your story._

_Could be. Nice call by the way._

_Thank you._

_Don't mention it._

_Not going to._

Giles and her friends – Willow a little bit singed (but alive), had arrived shortly after the phone call that had changed the slayer's whole existence. And together they had convinced Joyce that her daughter was the slayer and destined to save the world – or die trying. They didn't mention that she already had died once.

_Go, team!!_

And by mutual agreement, Buffy and Willow had decided that it was best to not tell anyone that Buffy was from the future. It would only add to the confusion that already was.

Joyce turned her focus solely to her daughter.

"Buffy, I'm not sure I want you to go after Angel."

The slayer meets her mother's concerned gaze and press forward a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, mom. I know how to take care of Angel." Pause. "And hopefully Willow will be able to restore his soul before he summons Acathla."

"And if she fails?"

"Then I'll have to kill him.

_If it comes to that…_

_I won't hesitate. I'll kill him._

Pause.

_Again…_

She could feel her mother's and her friend's eyes on her as she walked over to table to pick up the sword that laid there. A sword that once – no, would… she gave up trying to get the timeline right. The sword that may or may not be the undoing of Angel. Again…

_I can't believe I'm doing this._

_Me neither. As your life wasn't fucked up already. But having to kill Angel twice? Jerry Springer would so have a field trip with that._

_'m not sure that we have to kill Angel._

_We? Talk to yourself. If that soulless bastard has touched a hair on Spike's pretty head I'll gut him like a pig._

_That's harsh._

_That's the truth._

_Yeah…_

"Buffy?"

She turned a fiery gaze towards her watcher, noticing the grim expression in his face. He was still reeling from the fact that his beloved Jenny was dead.

"What?"

"I know what Angel means to you…"

_No you don't._

"…but you have to remember that he isn't the Angel you knew anymore. You have to realize that if you're not able to stop him in time – soul or not, you have to kill him in order to close the portal. No matter what."

"Giles…" Buffy sighed warily. "I know."

She met Willow's gaze and a silent understanding came to pass; the slayer knew that the witch would do anything in her power to restore Angel's soul.

Buffy let her gaze travel over her family and friends, memorizing their faces, before she headed towards the door.

"Buffy…"

Joyce laid a hand on her daughter's shoulder and Buffy tried hard to hold back the tears that threatened to appear. This Joyce had accepted her calling much faster and she could see the love shining out from her eyes.

"Mom… I have to do this."

Joyce searched Buffy's face and then nodded sadly.

"I know." She planted a kiss on Buffy's cheek. "Be careful. And… I love you."

"I love you too." Looking around. "All of you."

And with that she turned her back against them and headed out from the house. She had a mission – and the mission was all that mattered.

_Thank God that I'm a hot chick with super powers…_

_Channelling Faith – not a good sign._

_Shut up._

_'m just saying._

_She had her bright moments… once in a while._

_We're doomed…_

And for one agonizing moment, she actually believed it herself.

**Part Two: Awakenings**

Spike monitored Angel's every move with wary eyes. The elder vampire had been preparing for the ritual for quite a while now – only taking a short pause to feed Spike blood.

_Mighty thoughtful of the ol' chap._

_It was probably poisoned._

_Probably._

_Just so that we're clear about that._

_Crystal clear._

Spike sighed and made a last effort to release himself from the ropes that held him bound. But to no avail. He accepted his predicament with a fuming gaze in Angel's direction. And what the bloody hell was the brooding git up to now?

"He will drink... the blood will wash in him, over him, and he will be cleansed. He will be worthy to free Acathla. Bear witness as he ascend. As he become."

Spike couldn't make anything out of the other vampire's ramblings and that was a little bit frustrating. He cursed himself for not being more perceptive the first time around, instead of being so intent on whisking the wayward Drusilla away.

_Man, I really was a twit back then._

_Duh._

_I've been a twit regarding a bunch of things._

_Like not letting Buffy know you came back._

_Yeah._

_Like not letting her know you survived the battle against the Wolfram and Hart._

_Yeah._

_Like making that stupid wish._

_YEAH._

_Just wanted you to get the picture._

_I got it._

Oh, man… He got it alright.

As Spike reminisced to himself he came to the conclusion that if he got out of this situation alive he would spend an eternity making it up to Buffy. Big time. And with that in mind, he began to struggle against the ropes once again.

"There's no point, boy." Angel's cruel voice echoed through the room and made Spike cease his efforts in order to gaze up at the elder vampire with a hateful glare. "You didn't actually think that I would let you escape?"

"A bloke can hope."

Angel snickered and inched closer. He reached out a hand and let his index finger travel down Spike's chest – almost in a sexual manor.

"You know," he began with a sly smile, "when this whole thing is over and done with, we could keep each other company." Pause. "In hell."

_Ugh… Nasty!_

_Tell me about it. I feel so violated._

_iWe/b. We both feel violated._

_'m sorry._

_You should be._

"Screw you."

Angel backed a step and shook his head.

"Now, now… Where's the love?"

"When I get loose, I'll kill you," Spike breathed.

That only merited a snicker from Angel and the other vampire stepped close again.

"Spike, how ever have you thought that you'd get free? You're defenceless; No weapons... no friends... no hope. Take all that away and what's left?"

"Me."

The two vampires turned their heads to see Buffy standing in the doorway with a sword in her hand and a grim expression in her beautiful face.

_Buffy!!!_

"It's too late," Angel declared triumphantly. "The ritual has been completed."

Spike blinked.

_Oh, fuck…_

**Tbc…**


	13. Chapter Eleven

**Part One: Close Your Eyes**

"Hello, lover."

The two vampires stared at the slayer in different degrees of surprise. Angel's was of the grim variety, but Spike's were all joy.

Angel sneered.

"I don't have time for you."

"You don't have a lot time **left**."

"Coming on kind'a strong, don't you think? You're playing some deep odds here." Gesturing towards the surrounding vampires. "Do you really think you could take us all on?"

"No. I don't."

And with that she opened her hand and let the ball of energy, which she been harbouring, fly towards Spike.

In a matter of only a few seconds the orb's energy had disposed of the rope that had held the blond vampire tied to the pole and he was finally free.

"I have him."

And with that the fight was on.

Buffy charged at an oncoming vampire that placed itself in the way between her and her real target; Angel. With a quick thrust with her hand she sliced its throat open and watched detached as it turned into dust.

Angel… Angelus backed away as she advanced in his direction.

"Do you really think I would let you destroy this?" Shacking his head. "I have apparently given you a lot more credit then you deserve."

"Time to shut up," Buffy declared grimly and swung the sword towards him. "And time to surrender."

"And by surrender you mean die?" He ducked gracefully. "I think I'll pass on that one."

"You said that the ritual has been completed."

"It has," he nodded gleefully. "And there's nothing you can do to stop it."

"I can kill you."

Buffy swung at him again and this time she managed to rift his skin before he slunk away.

Angelus chuckled.

"You can try."

Buffy cast a quick glance in Spike's direction and saw that he held his on against a bunch of fledglings. He moved with such a deadly grace and with that satisfied smirk on his face that told her that he was enjoying the fight. It was like watching someone dance.

_Come on, you know you wanna dance…_

A movement in the corner of her eyes caught her attention and she turned around just in time to see Angel's fist flying against her face.

The blow caught her squarely in the jaw and she staggered away from the sheer force of it, silently cursing herself for losing her guard.

Lifting a hand to wipe at the blood running from her mouth she fixated her hateful glare at the grinning vampire.

"Bastard."

"Well, thank you."

When he attacked this time she was prepared; blocking his blow and then delivering an upper cut that made him fly backwards and land in a heap on the dusty floor. He was soon back up on his feet tough and again charging her with deadly intent.

_There's nothing left of the Angel you once loved in this soulless creature._

_I know._

_I sure hope Willow manage to restore his soul before you have to kill him._

_Yeah…_

But in the very second she finished that fought, Buffy saw a portal starting to open behind the dark haired vampire. And she was filled with dread.

She had to kill Angel – again…

Angelus turned around and watched the swirling portal with triumph. As it grew in intensity he turned to face Buffy again.

"I told you," he said grinning. "It's too late now."

Buffy meet his cold stare and shivered. Then she slowly shook her head and thrust the sword deep into his chest – noticing the hiss of pain that escaped him in the impact.

"No," she whispered. "It's not too late. Your blood will stop it."

Buffy backed away with tears in her eyes and prepared herself to watch him die, a second time.

But the moments passed by and nothing happened. The portal was still growing and she wrinkled her forehead in confusion. What…?

Angelus grinned.

"Oh, did I forget to tell you? I didn't use my blood."

Buffy blinked at the confession.

_Not his blood?_

_But then whose?_

She saw his evil grin and it dawned upon her in terrible clarity. Oh God…

She turned her head to look over at Spike who was fighting a bunch of vampires with a smirk on his face.

"Spike!!"

Upon hearing her distressed call for him, the blond vampire quickly disposed of the last vampires before running towards her.

"Buffy," he breathed and came to a halt in front of her, beautiful as ever before. He only gave Angelus a quick look before focusing his attention solely on her. "Buffy, what…?"

"Tell him, " Angelus spurred ruefully.

Buffy shook her head and meet Spike's blue gaze.

"I…"

In the corner of her eye she could suddenly see how Angelus fell to the floor and started rock back and forth – and she realized that Willow had succeeded. Once again too late. The returning of Angel's soul meant nothing to her. Not anymore.

"Buffy…?"

She turned her focus back to the love of her life and felt her heart constrict in her chest when she saw the love that shone out from his eyes.

"Spike?"

He nodded.

"I remember everything, Buffy."

_Oh God…_

_I'm so sorry, so sorry. Please. Please. PLEASE…_

The mansion shuddered and Buffy came aware of the swirling portal behind Spike. A portal that would swallow everything that she loved.

"Buffy?"

Spike's voice was full of questions and she swallowed back the lump in her throat as she stepped closer to him.

"Buffy, why..?"

"Hush." Buffy silenced him with a finger to his slightly parted lips. She could see the confusion in his eyes as she ignored Angel in favour of him. "Everything's gonna be okay."

"Buffy?"

"I love you, Spike."

"I love you too." Now there were tears in her eyes, and he felt powerless to stop them. "Buffy?"

"Close your eyes."

"What?"

"Trust me."

Buffy's heart shattered into a million pieces when Spike slowly closed his eyes. His trust for her was undeniable.

Then she fought hard to find that place in her that would help her perform the task at hand.

"I love you."

And she delivered the sword to its final resting place.

Spike's heart.

He opened his eyes in shock.

"Buffy…?"

She shook her head as he reached at a hand towards her. Then she slowly entwined her fingers with his.

_Look; no flames…_

"I'm so sorry…"

He opened his mouth as if to say something, but whatever it was she would never find out…

The portal closed and Buffy was left alone.

"Spike…"

_Can we rest now? Buffy, can we rest?_

**Tbc…**


	14. Chapter Twelve

**Part One: 147 Days...**

**Day One** she cried and couldn't stop crying – not even when her friends arrived to the mansion. Not even when Angel had gathered her in his arms and carried her home. Not even when Joyce had greeted them at the door with her loving arms.

When her mother had helped her into the shower and turned on the hot water to wash away the filth and the blood, her tears had become uncontrollable sobs, racking through her tired body 'til she'd slid down the wall and sunk to the floor – sitting there while the water cleansed her outside. But her inside couldn't be cleansed. It was broken and she had no idea if it would ever be fixed again.

**Day two** followed much the same pattern; her unable to stop crying.

Her mom and Willow tried their best to comfort her during the long hours as the day stretched by, but in the end they stood powerless to soothe the heartbroken slayer. They could only witness how her body trembled in grief and how she bit at her lips until they bleed.

She was lost to them at the time…

Buffy felt a gaping hole in her chest were her heart should be and the only one who could fill it was gone.

Spike was dead.

Again.

**Day three** she was forced out of bed by a concerned Joyce and reluctantly placed in front of the dinner table. She could only eat a few bites of the tuna sandwich and take a few sips of the chocolate (with marshmallows) before she doubled over and threw up.

She returned to her bed shortly after that incident – convinced that nothing could make her leave it again.

She would so be proven wrong on that.

**Day eight** dawned with a visit from Giles. Her watcher was worried about his slayer and had come to see to it that she would survive. In her eyes he seemed weary and old. It was then she guiltily remembered that he also had lost someone he loved.

He'd lost Jenny…

And it was that fact that was the sole reason to why she let herself be convinced to leave the room to which she'd sought refuge.

It was a start.

**Day ten** she received a call from Angel. Although she had found it in herself to forgive him for the events that had taken place when his soul was gone, she found it hard to listen to his familiar voice. He seemed eager to convince himself of her forgiveness. Maybe he felt a little bit guilty of trying to end the world and almost succeeding. And having Spike killed…

She returned to her grieving after that call.

On the **fifteenth day** Giles showed up and gave her a speech that rocked her world. Completely.

The watcher fumed and accused her of ignoring her duty. He blatantly told her that the world needed her and that if Spike had been alive he'd been ashamed over what the slayer had been reduced to. (As if Giles knew anything of Spike…) and he told her that it was time for her to stop grieving for someone who wouldn't return.

Wouldn't return…

_How long has it been?_

_Hundred and forty-seven days yesterday. Uh... hundred and forty-eight today. 'Cept today doesn't count, does it?_

And a tiny flicker of hope lit a spark inside the slayers chest.

**Day forty** Buffy smiled for the first time in ages.

It was Xander's close up meeting with a tree that caused that. The young man had been following a gorgeous, if not a slutty dressed, girl with his eyes and totally missed the huge oak standing in his way. He now sported an interesting looking black eye. And even tough he was slightly ashamed of how he got it, he couldn't be happier to see his friend back in the game again.

On the **sixtieth day** Buffy made a surprise visit to Oz and told him that he was a fool if he'd ever let something and someone get in the way between him and Willow. And she also come with subtle threats that if he ever hurt the witch he'd know the wrath of a slayer up close and personal.

Willow's and Oz's relationship seemed to blossom after that.

**Day seventy one** Buffy had to destroy the Nigarian Death Mask her mother had purchased – again. The task meant the gathering of the scoobies and also to a closer understanding between the slayer and Joyce.

Buffy began feeling lighter at heart – especially with the hope of Spike's return.

**Day ninety** introduced Faith to their lives – again. But this time around Buffy made sure to welcome the other slayer with open arms and also into her home. Now she knew why the dark slayer had acted like she did all those years ago. She only needed to feel appreciated and accepted. That time Buffy hadn't let it happen, maybe because she was jealous – and selfish.

She simply found a new friend – and a sister.

On the **ninety-third day** Angel declared that he was moving to Los Angeles in intent of opening up an investigation agency.

Buffy found it difficult to feel anything but relief. She assumed that she just couldn't forget the part he'd played in her lover's destruction. Soul or not.

Maybe she still blamed him for bringing the amulet to Sunnydale in the first place…

So, Angel left the town and no one grieved his departure.

When the **hundredth day** came and went, Buffy started to feel anxious and went to check out the mansion more often. It was about this time when Angel had returned – if her memory served her right. But there were no signs of Spike. Yet, she didn't want to give up hope and started to believe that it was some kind of cosmic prank that the powers played with her. Maybe he'd return on the hundred and forty-seventh day – just like she had that time.

So she continued counting the days…

**Day hundred and twenty-five** brought its own little surprise in the form of a date between her watcher and Joyce. And it kind'a creped Buffy – and Faith, out. By now Faith was a vital member of the family as well amongst the scoobies, and Buffy couldn't have been happier – except she was still waiting for the return of Spike.

And it seemed as Xander had abandoned all hope on Cordelia and actually was turning his full attention towards Faith.

Buffy failed to see the attraction.

When **day hundred and thirty** made a mark in the calendar Joyce announced that she and Giles was officially seeing each other, Buffy held her tongue and wished them all the luck. She loved her mother deeply and she had actually said that Giles was more than a father to her than her real one.

Funny how things could work themselves out…

On the **hundred and forty-sixth day** Buffy kissed her mother and Faith goodbye, packed a bag and headed towards the mansion – fully intent on staying the night and spending every second there 'til Spike was returned to her.

She could be stubborn that way.

Then, finally, the **hundred and forty-seventh day** arrived and she sat amongst the rubble, not letting her eyes trail of the floor. Awaiting the return of her loved one. She didn't move when a rat scurried across the floor. She didn't flinch when a cat jumped down from a shell and landed next to her before it ran out through a hole in the outer wall. She didn't even blink when a dog barked nearby.

She could just as well have been a stature, cut form coldest marble.

Time… Hours passed by but nothing happened. Nothing changed.

The slayer hadn't moved an inch when evening had came. She just sat at the same spot and stared ahead, untouched by the cold that penetrated the walls.

The night passed by without anything changing.

And the hope in Buffy's chest flickered and threatened to die.

But she kept waiting.

When Buffy woke up she didn't remember falling asleep. All she knew was that it was day **hundred and forty-eight** and Spike hadn't returned to her.

He was really gone.

She waited through the entire day but as evening set and heralded the night, she slowly rose to her feet, clutching something in her hand.

She stood still for a moment, before she opened her fist and let the item in it fall to the floor. Without looking at it, she stepped over the rubble and left the dark mansion – all hope gone.

And abandoned on the floor amongst the rubble and dust, lay a ring. Formed as a skull.

_You just made me the happiest man alive…_

Except he wasn't…

**Tbc…**


	15. Chapter Thirteen

**Part One: A different Kind Of Fairytale**

_Every night I save you._

Buffy stood at the rooftop and looked out over the city down below. The city that never sleeps.

New York was her territory now. Had been for the past ten years. Ever since she accepted the fact that Spike wasn't returning to her.

There were times when she missed Sunnydale and the life she'd left behind there. Her friends and family. And sometimes, in the darkest hours of the night she could find herself wonder what had become of them all. If they were safe.

Xander.

Willow.

Faith.

Her mom.

Her step dad (Giles).

Dawn…

A fluke had made it so that Dawn was Faith's sister in everyone's – except Buffy's, eyes. Maybe it was because Buffy had alienated herself from her calling and left for a whole new life in New York.

She was simply not fit to be the protector of the key.

_It's Summer's blood. The monks made you out of me…_

Of course there was no way for Buffy to stop seeing Dawn as her sister. She would always be that in her heart. But there was also a tiny part of the slayer that was relieved. Having Dawn to worry about would have made things thousandth times more difficult.

And she really didn't need difficult.

Surviving on your own in the big city was a challenge in itself, with the constant struggle to afford the apartment on her almost non-existent salary and the pressure of maintaining some sort of social life.

She had a few friends – but none as trusted and loved as the scoobies had been. Friends that she'd meet at work and friends that she'd made in the apartment building. Nice neighbours that looked out for each other.

All in all she led a pretty good, ordinary life. No slaying. No impendent deaths. Zero apocalypses and absolutely no prophecies.

Yay for that.

What was even more important was that by leaving Sunnydale she had managed to change the events that had led up to the town's ultimate destruction.

Faith had, unlike Buffy, no problems about killing Ben in order to stop Glory from taking Dawn.

So there were never a portal – and it in turn meant no resurrections of dead slayers, which also meant that the First never showed up.

Sunnydale remained and lives were saved.

Except one.

_Spike…_

There were days when she barely thought of him at all, but those were a sad few. Mostly she found herself haunted by the memory of him.

Every single touch, his voice whispering in her ear…

_I'm drowning in you, Summers._

Sometimes she could wake up, all sweaty and breathing heavy as if she'd been running for miles and miles. She knew without a doubt that she'd been dreaming about chasing after Spike's elusive figure and never reaching him. He was simply lost to her…

Sometimes she would drift off from work with her thoughts and dream about how Spike held her tightly to him and promised that he'd always be with her. Telling her how much he loved her.

Buffy used to search the crowd for his face the first couple of months since his death, in a foolish hope that he once again would return to her. But he was nowhere to be found and her hope slowly faded away, only leaving a weary and disillusioned girl.

There were nights when she was unable to sleep, standing on the balcony and watching the dark streets for a sign of… anything. Something. Feeling lost and lonely.

Occasionally she would see a vampire stalks the dim lit streets.

She never went after it tough. Never patrolled. That part of her was gone and even if the slayer in her wailed and protested against that decision – the part of her that was solely human rejoiced in the fact that she could have a normal life.

iDeath is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp, that look of peace... Part of you is desperate to know... What's it like? Where does it lead you? Now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch she didn't throw or the kick she didn't land. She merely wanted it. Every Slayer has a death wish. Even you. /i

Did she have a death wish?

_Oh God, yes. Yes…_

Blinking away the sudden prick of tears, Buffy made a graceful leap and descended to the street down below. For some reason she felt like exploring the city.

There are quite a few people on the move in the late hour and Buffy can't help watching them as they hurry around like busy bees. Some dressed in suits and some casual. Maybe tourists, she thinks and follows them with her eyes as they chatter in unfamiliar languages.

Then she suddenly freeze to the spot and drags in a deep breath. She thought she saw something amongst the crowd. A man with bleached blonde hair..

_Spike!!_

She spots the man walking a few feet away and her heart jumps. It does look…

She runs, holding her breath, and reaches out a hand. The man turns.

Not him.

Never him.

And her heart dies just a little bit more.

**Part Two: Echoes**

Buffy was dreaming.

**_Spike was holding her in his arms, his muscles ripping under her fingers as he gently moved inside of her. His eyes were so blue and they could see right through her. And they liked what they saw. He looked at her as if she was the centre of his universe, as if she was the only thing that mattered to him. That she was special and amazing and loved._**

**_"I love you," he whispers, his lips a breath away from hers. "I will always love you."_**

**_She nuzzled against his neck, drawing in the scent of him, marvelling that he could actually love her. Even through all the things she's done to him. The things they've done to each other._**

**_"I love you too."_**

**_He draws back and she waits with a smile for what he's going to say._**

**_"No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."_**

Buffy wakes up, silently screaming.

It was a dream.

A nightmare. Not the kissing and cuddling part – but the other part.

The part where he told her that he didn't believe her.

Getting up on gingerly legs, the blond slayer slowly makes her way towards the full figured mirror.

She studies herself in the mirror, noticing the weary reflection and wonders how it all had come to be this way.

A stupid wish.

_Magic always has consequences…_

Did it ever.

Sighing, Buffy walked back to the bed and slid under the warm covers. She didn't really dare to fall asleep, afraid to dream again.

But staring into the black depths of her room, she could hear his voice whisper…

_I'm on love with you._

_You're all I can bloody think about._

_You're in my blood. I'm drowning in you, Summers._

_I don't know what I would have done if you went up those stairs._

_Where you there with me?_

_You have to live. So that one of us is living._

_The day you do suss out what you want there will be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones…_

_I can feel it, Buffy. My soul. It's really there. It kind'a stings…_

She closed her eyes and hugged the pillow tightly to her chest, trying hard to hold back the tears. And after a while, she manages to call down – as sleep overtook her.

And Buffy dreamed again.

**_Spike was sitting on his knees, looking up at her as if she was the most beloved person in the whole wide world. In his hand laid the perfect wedding ring; white gold and yellow diamonds._**

**_"For my golden goddess," he said and reached out for her hand. "Buffy, will you marry me?"_**

**_"Yes," she whispered with tears in her eyes. "God, yes!!"_**

**_A brilliant smile graced his beautiful face as he slid the ring – which fit perfectly, on her finger. Then he pulled her with him to their feet as he kissed her passionately._**

**_"You've just made me the happiest man alive!"_**

**_They shared another sweet kiss, before Buffy spotted someone moving in the corner of her eye. She quickly turned around and saw all of her friends and family gathered._**

**_"Mom, dad," she beamed at Joyce and Giles, "Spike and I are getting married!"_**

**_"Congratulations!"_**

**_And soon she was enveloped in a warm group hug. There was Dawn, Xander, Willow, Faith and Oz. everyone that she loved. And they all wished for her and Spike's happiness._**

**_"We always knew it would be you two."_**

**_Buffy turned blissfully to the silent vampire and slid into his waiting arms._**

**_"This is the happiest day in my life," she breathed._**

**_"I'm glad for you, pet. 's just sad that it wont last."_**

**_"What?" She gazed up and saw his sad smile. "What are you talking about?"_**

**_"'s just a dream, luv. I'm not really here."_**

**_And before her eyes he started to vanish…_**

Buffy opened her eyes and knew instantaneously that his voice would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Getting up from the bed, she dressed herself in black clothes and left the apartment – carrying a stake for the first time in nine years.

It was time to act.

_Can we rest now? Buffy…Can we rest?_

**Tbc…**


	16. Chapter Fourteen

**Part One: The Man Who Wasn't There**

**_He liked to walk the dim lit streets at night. He didn't know why – but he did._**

William strode down the crowded street, humming a little tune and watched as people scurried pass and by him.

He jiggled with his keychain, turned a corner and found himself standing in front of the door to his apartment building.

_Home sweet home._

The portiere greeted him with a silent nod and followed his every move as he went for the elevator in the far back of the lobby. He entered it and using a key he let the machine know that the destination was the top floor of the building. Only William had access to that, and it was a fact that put a smile on the man's face.

The elevator reached the designated floor with a soft pling and the doors opened silently, revealing an impressive marble hall – and beyond it a living room in all its splendour. This was the domains of a very fortunate person.

William walked directly through the two rooms, passed the kitchen and into the bedroom, unbuttoning his lilac shirt on the way. He threw it carelessly on the floor and continued with his black khakis. Soon he was naked as the day he was born and he headed for the bathroom – all with the intention to take a hot shower.

But he never got that far.

Stopping in front of the full figured mirror, he studied his naked form with curiosity. It never ceased to amaze him that he didn't have a single scar, or mould – or anything that could tell him about his past. It was almost as he was a clean plate – a blank canvas waiting for something, or someone to leave its impression on it.

A hand slowly traced the lines of his face and he frowned when it reaches his eyebrow, suddenly certain that there had been a scar there at some time. He couldn't just remember when…

_Why can't I remember? Why is there a void in my heart? A space that needs so desperately to be filled?_

He blinked and let the hand drop to the side, never letting his eyes drift away from the reflection.

_That's me standing there. But it fells strange. It's like I'm expecting someone else to look back at me. Someone… blonder…?_

_**Spike.** _

_Who is Spike?_

_The man who isn't there…_

Shaking his head, William changed his direction and walked back into the bedroom. He headed for the wardrobe and got dressed in a hurry – suddenly eager to escape the apartment.

Dressed in jeans and a black shirt under a suede jacket, William left the building and headed down the street in the direction of the graveyard that lay only a few blocks away.

He was going to visit his mom's grave.

William sighed as the memories washed over him; memories of his mom comforting him as a boy. Of her warm voice and calming hands. Her smell and her laughter. She'd been the one constant in his life – 'til the cancer took her away.

She'd been the world's greatest mom…

William was pulled away form his memories as a car honked nearby and startled him. He blinked and noticed that he was almost at the graveyard.

_That was fast…_

Suddenly he heard a sound from the graveyard and without any thought he ran towards it – idly hoping that whatever – or whoever, it was it would be something that he could handle.

Sprinting along the vaguely lit parch he spotted a gang of five men attacking a petite woman.

Rage flooded his veins at such display of cowards and he increased his speed, eager to reach them and help the defenceless woman.

Or maybe not so defenceless he thought to himself as she suddenly freed herself with an impressive manoeuvre, followed with a roundhouse kick that sent one of the attackers to the ground howling in pain.

He was just out of reach, when the biggest of the five suddenly whipped out a knife and jammed it directly into the woman's stomach. With bathed breath, William, saw her cover the wound with one hand while she quickly retreated.

"Hey!" William yelled and dove straight for the knifeman, tackling him to the ground.

_Thank the lord for collage football!_

Tumbling around on the ground with the big man, was maybe not something William considered dignified, but necessarily. No one should bully others – especially a little woman!

Even if the woman seemed to handle things on herself quite well.

"Oof!" he huffed as he was hit with a sharp elbow in the ribs. Damn it, what the man was strong! He decided that he needed a breather and quickly rolled out of range.

Getting up on his feet he noticed that there were only three men left – that including the man he was facing, and he wondered briefly what had happened to the other two. Had they deemed this attack to risky for some reason and gotten the hell out of there?

However, he wasn't about to question that turn of good fortune – so he focused on the hulk like man again as he approached with a snarl. And, oh my god, what was wrong with his face?!

"What the hell are you?"

There was no answer, and he didn't really expect one. The… thing growled and launched itself towards the very confused William – who quickly stepped out of the way and reached out a leg to trip the offender. It succeeded and during the respite, William turned to see how things were going for the woman.

She was just getting up to her feet, dusting of her jeans – that sat like a second skin to her legs.

_Naughty thoughts…_

_Get a grip!!_

He also noticed that the man she'd been fighting against also had skipped the party.

"Where…?"

She looked up and suddenly seemed frozen to the spot. The look in her beautiful eyes could only be described as utter shock.

"What…?"

Then her expression changed and she showed him to the side with a cry of desperation.

"No!"

He turned around to see her block the incoming blow from the assailant that had been lying on the ground were William left him moments before. The…thing delivered another blow that she once again blocked and responded with a jab to its chin – knocking him to the ground.

As William only could look on in amazement, she whipped out a… stake (?) and jammed it into the things heart. A second later the air was filled with a cloud of dust and the last attacker was…gone.

_What the hell…?_

"Lady, are you alright?" he asked and watched as she turned to face him.

_God, she's beautiful…_

"Spike?" Her voice was only a tiny whisper but he heard her all the same.

_Spike?_

"A spike?" He looked her form for any signs of mentioned object, but found nothing. "Where?"

She only shook her head and took a few tiny steps towards him.

"Spike," she repeated and reached out a hand to caress his cold cheek. "It's you. It's really you…"

He opened his mouth to ask her what the hell she was talking about, but closed it in a hurry as she suddenly moaned and fell to the ground.

He kneed beside her and noticed the bloodstain that grew wider just below her ribcage. She was hurt. Badly hurt.

"I'll call an ambulance," he assured her and reached for the cell with a trembling hand. "Don't worry – you'll be fine."

Once again she shook her head and just as he got through to the dispatch, she reached out a hand and disconnected the call.

"Why did you do that?"

"Spike…" she whispered and motioned for him to come closer. "I'm sorry…"

He decided that it was for the best to play along and leaned in closer. So close that he could feel her warm breath against his cheek.

"I love you."

_No, you don't. But thanks for saying it._

_Where the hell did bthat/b come from?_

Her eyes gazed into his with so much love. So much sadness.

"I wish…" She coughed and he felt a pang of fear as he noticed the stream of blood from her mouth. "I wish I never made that wish." Another cough. "I wish that none of us did that…"

And she closed her eyes.

William blinked at the sudden prick of tears and pressed her against him, rocking her body back and forth in his arms.

_Please don't die. Please…_

_We only just found you…_

A single snowdrop descended slowly from the sky and landed softly on her blond head.

Everything was silent. And still. And** wrong**.

William cast his head back and wailed against the moon, cradling her still body against his with all of his might.

Then everything went black…

**Tbc…**


	17. Chapter Fifteen

**Part One: End Of Enchantments**

**_I wish that I could go back and change everything. From the beginning. So that Spike and I could have a chance…_**

Buffy stood by the window and looked out into the darkness.

A lone tear trickled down her cheek and she furiously wiped it away.

As if to join her in her grief, a bird landed on the wind shell and curiously peeked at the moody slayer.

"You know what?"

Buffy sighed heavily.

"I wish…"

_No!!_

Buffy clasped a hand over her mouth before she could finish the wish – horrified over the mistake she almost had made.

_I remember…_

_Oh, my God…_

_All those mistakes._

_Spike's death…_

_I had to kill him…_

_**We **had to kill him._

_We lost him. Again and again…_

_All because of a wish…_

_**Three wishes.**_

Buffy clenched her fists.

_Time to find that stubborn vampire and beat some sense into him._

_And kick the living shit out of Kara._

_Yeah, that too._

Buffy picked up the phone and dialled a number with a grim expression.

"Willow?" Pause. "I want you to locate someone…"

After the call, Buffy quickly changed clothes – she was going to look stunning when she confronted Spike. Show the stupid vampire what he'd been missing out on.

_That moron. He's…_

_Idiotic._

_Pigheaded._

_Sexy._

_I sure do miss him…_

Sighing, the slayer left the room and walked down the stairs into the hallway – where Willow waited just inside the front door.

"Did you find him?"

The witch nodded and seemed pretty wheezed by the whole thing.

"I can't believe that he's alive!" she exclaimed and almost bounced on her feet.

"I can't believe he didn't tell us that he was," muttered Dawn from the entrance to the living- room. "Jerk."

"Whatever his reason were," Buffy said, "He's not getting away with it any longer." Meeting their gazes. "We have to get to him as soon as possible to make sure that there's no wish that will screw up things again."

"But what if we're already too late?" asked Dawn.

Buffy shook her head.

"We would have noticed that if that were the case. Our memories wouldn't be the same."

"Oh…"

"But it's important that we hurry," Buffy concluded grimly. "It's time to end this silly charade. And it's about time to end a few misassumptions…"

"Buffy's on a mission," Dawn sighed. "Poor Spike…"

"Don't pity him," drawled Buffy. "he's as much the bad guy in this as the rest of us."

Buffy focused on Willow.

"Can you take us there?"

Willow nodded."

"In a jiffy." She closed her eyes and mumbled something in Latin.

"Beam me up, Scotty," joked Dawn – seconds before everything went white.

The hallway stood suddenly empty.

_Here we come…_

**Part Two: Headaches And Aspirins**

_**A slayer!!**_

Spike cursed the day he was told about slayers. He cursed the git (Angel) who told him about them. But mostly he cursed the day he fell in love with one.

_Buffy._

Slayers are stubborn. They're irritating. Bossy. Fierce. Strong. Sexy. Clueless. Leaders. Brave. Beautiful. And a real pain in the arse. Literally.

Spike had actually believed that he was done with slayers. Home free.

_Idiot._

"Spike?"

He turned around to gaze down at the frowning Kara.

_That's me. The one and only._

"Are you mad at me?"

_'s that a trick question?_

_Don't answer that!!_

_Like I don't know that. Ponce!!_

_You could be stupid sometimes. And shirty._

_'m not shirty. And Buffy was right; Is that even a word?_

_Oh, just zip it!_

"Spike?"

_Just answer her!!_

"No. 'm not angry at you."

_Just at myself._

_Didn't I tell you to zip it?!_

He growled.

_Moron._

"But you're not okay with it. Me being a slayer."

"'s just that I thought that I was done with your kind."

"That's harsh, Spike."

"Lady, you haven't even seen how harsh I can be."

He could practically see the temper rising in her taut little body. Steaming. Her tiny fists balled as if restraining herself from lashing out at him. Like he wasn't used to slayers pounding on him.

Her eyes blazed when they meets his.

_Look at that. She's beautiful beyond words._

_Slayers usually are._

_Agreed._

"Why are you like this?"

_Man, she can whine with the best of them._

_Maybe she's got a reason to whine. You're pretty rude to her._

_Rude?_

_Yeah! _

_Am I to rude even?_

_Always!_

_But I can't help it. Can I?_

_Pass!_

_You think I should make it up to her?_

_Duh!_

_Ponce. _

"Ah!!" Kara cried out and kicked his leg with her toe tip.

It hurt. What is it with slayers and violence?

"I wish…"

Whatever would have come next never got the chance to slip Kara's mouth.

Out of nowhere, a petite figure comes flying and knocks Kara to the ground, effectively cutting of the words.

"Hey!" yelled the dark haired slayer in protest. "Who the hell do you think you are…?"

Spike could only stare in disbelief.

"Buffy?"

_Buffy!!_

Kara managed to roll away from the blond slayer and get back to her feet. She stared incredulously at the other woman.

"Buffy?"

Buffy nodded and returned her stare.

"Kara?"

For some reason, Kara seemed to tense at the question.

"Yeah…?"

Buffy's fist flew out and connected squarely with the other slayers jaw – sending her to the ground.

Kara yelped in surprise and pain.

Willow – who stood behind Buffy, let out a sigh.

Dawn – who stood beside Willow, looked like she was about to clap her hands.

Spike grimaced.

Buffy turned to face him.

"Hello, lover."

He waved at her, with a goofy look in his face.

"Hi, Buffy."

Her fist sent him flying backwards.

He couldn't help to grin.

_That's my girl…_

**Tbc…**


	18. Chapter Sixteen

**Part One: She Is My Sin**

_**I love you.**_

_**No, you don't. But thanks for saying it.**_

Buffy helped Spike up to his feet, drawing in the feeling of his hand in hers. Marvelling that he actually stood before her – alive.

Alive… and breathing?

_This was surely bnot/b in the brochure._

_Does it really matter? He's here. In front of you._

_You're right…_

Buffy stared in amazement at the man she thought she never would see again.

He was beautiful…

"I love you," she whispered.

Buffy tried to hold back the tears that ached to come as she gazed up at the silent man.

_Here we go again…_

_The rejection._

_The pain of letting my feelings known to the world and getting them thrown back in the face._

_The humiliation when he answers with those words. **No, you don't…**_

_Remind me why we're doing this again? _

She closed her eyes and braced herself for the response.

"Yeah, you do."

_What?!!_

Buffy quickly opened her eyes and saw Spike smiling down at her. There was so much warmth… blove/b in his eyes.

"I love you too."

She melted.

He pressed her hand reassuringly and she stepped closer – all with the intention to kiss him into oblivion.

"Wait a minute!" protested Kara and ripped Buffy from Spike. "That's my boyfriend!"

"Bad mistake," muttered Dawn from her spot.

Buffy focused on the other slayer and a sneer appeared on her lips. Oh, she was so going down! No one interrupted her when she was about to reunite with the love of her life.

**No one.**

Buffy planted a fist in the other woman's face and saw her tumble back with a grim smile.

Then the fight was on.

Jabs were traded. Hair was lost. Bruises were slowly showing. Nails ripped skin. Harsh words were exchanged. Kicks were delivered.

It was the catfight of all catfights.

In the end, Buffy stood victorious while Kara remained on the ground – licking her wounds.

"Who's boyfriend?" asked Buffy and crossed her arms.

"Yours," the beaten slayer said between clenched teethes. "All yours."

"And if you lay a finger on him again I'll rip your…" Buffy hesitated and thought silently to herself that the humiliation had gone far enough, "Just don't come near him again. Okay?"

Kara got up on her feet and nodded submissively – before walking away.

Spike gazed after her with a strange expression on his handsome face.

"What?" asked Buffy defensively when he turned to face her. "So I got a little territorial?"

_Territorial? You beat the living crap out of that poor girl!_

_She was messing with** my** man._

_True. Okay, let's just be glad that you didn't kill her._

_Exactly._

"She's a good girl, Buffy," Spike said silently. "She didn't deserve this."

Buffy pouted.

"It was her stupid wish that screw everything up in the first place!"

He frowned.

"What wish?" Pause. "She never got the chance to say it."

Buffy's eyes widened in shock.

_Oh. OH…_

_He doesn't remember…_

_Yikes…_

"Buffy, what wish?" he repeated and sounded pissed off.

"You see," she began and tried to calm him down with a sweet smile. Uselessly. "All three of us kind of made wishes. And we went back in time…"

"We travelled back in time," he said with an impressive expression. "Go on…"

"Well," Buffy drew in a deep breath. "You sort off never heard of slayers – so you didn't kill anyone. Then you met Kara – who also had travelled back in time, and you fell in love with her."

Spike simply stared.

"I fell in love with her?" Pause. "How?"

"I don't know why!" Buffy grumped. "You just did – for mysterious reason if I may say so." She scolded. "Still think that bitch did something to you." Biting her lower lip. "So, back to the story; apparently you got your soul back for her…"

Spike protested at that.

"Whoa! I would never do that! I did that for byou/b."

"Well, you did." Buffy met his gaze. "I tracked you down and managed to convince you that we knew each other – in the future that is."

"Aha." Pause. "Then what?"

Buffy hesitated.

"Then you died."

Silence.

"Excuse me?"

Buffy swallowed.

"You died."

"I died," he repeated and blinked. "Again…"

She nodded.

He looked down at her with a frown.

"How did we end up… back in the future?"

"I made another wish," Buffy admitted and lowered her gaze. "Right before I died."

Another silence.

"You died?" He blinked. "Again…?"

Another nod.

"And I returned to the moment when I was about to make my wish – only I remembered everything that happened… that bwould/b happen if I made that wish."

"So," he said slowly, "you remembered everything? Even the fact that I obviously had been alive at the time you made the first wish?"

"Yes."

"And you came looking for me."

"U'huh."

Pause.

"What was it?"

"Huh?"

"Your wish?" he met her gaze. "What did you wish for?"

"That I had the chance to go back and change things. So that… So that we could be together."

Spike reached out a hand and traced a lonely tear that trailed down her cheek.

"Only that it made things worse."

She nodded silently.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and closed her tightly to his chest. "It's all my fault…"

She shook her head.

"No…"

He nodded grimly.

"If I only had let you know that I was alive you never would have made that wish."

"True," she admitted and looked up at him.

"And if I had…"

But before he could finish that sentence, Buffy silenced him with a kiss.

Buffy moaned as he deepened the kiss and she ran her tong over his full lower lip. He groaned and opened his mouth to give her full access, and she marvelled at the taste of him.

_Lips of Spike…_

Buffy explored and tasted his mouth like it was the first time, and so did he. His hands were now slipping under her shirt and circled over her bare back. Up and down over her spine, up…and down.

_He still touch me like I'm the centre of his universe…_

Those hands: They made her shiver with desire, and she tried to pull him even closer, desperate to feel every inch of him. Afraid that he might disappears if she ever let go.

Her hands started wondering around underneath his shirt and he gasped when she run her fingers over his abdomen.

Then a coughing sound made them part from each other in shock.

Dawn looked joyous. And jealous. And maybe a little green…

"'nuf with the exchanging of saliva," she said and shook her head. "We want to say hello to him as well, sis."

Buffy stepped back as her sister and Willow both scooted forward to say their hello's to Spike. He seemed generally pleased to see them all again.

When the ceremony was over, Buffy stepped closer to him again – suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of loss.

She remembered everything from her adventure – Spike did not. And that bothered her. She wanted him to be able to share her experience.

Buffy reached for his hand and he took it in his with a smile.

"Spike?"

"Yes?" He gazed down at her.

"Do you think you'll ever remember?"

He remained silent for a while, watching the clouds pass by on the sky.

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

He nodded.

"That's understandable."

The moment stretched on and Buffy got anxious.

"**Will **you remember?"

He turned to her then.

"Give me time and I will remember," he promised.

And Buffy believed him.

_I remember everything…_

**Tbc…**


	19. Chapter Seventeen

**Epilogue Part One: Once, Twice, Third's A Charm…**

**_hold on to me love  
you know i can't stay long  
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid  
can you hear me?  
can you feel me in your arms?_**

**I love you.**

**Yeah, you do.**

Buffy laid on her side, with Spike's arms wrapped around her, effulging her in a warm and soothing embrace.

She'd never felt more safe. Or loved.

It was the best night of her entire life…

Days had passed since she had confronted Spike and finally got him to admit that she loved him. And that he loved her.

Each day had held its own wonder and joy; she no longer had to wake up – crying because she had lost the man she loved. No more nightmares that left her sleepless and unable to function normally.

No longer did she have to go through the motions to pretend that she was alright – when she really wasn't.

Life was… As it should be.

She had the man she loved more than anything.

Buffy opened her eyes when Spike moved behind her in his sleep. He murmured something incoherently – but she thought it sounded like 'Love you'. That was enough to put a silly grin on her face.

_Aww, he's so cute…_

Eager to share everything – even her briskness (Why should he sleep when she don't?), she turned in his arms and pressed a soft kiss against his slightly parted lips.

He moaned in protest.

Buffy decided that she needed to advance some more, and let a hand slip under the cover. It trailed down his abdomen and went even lower…

Spike opened his eyes and met her gaze with a grin.

"You're treading risky waters there, Summers."

She giggled - **giggled!** and took away her hand. She instead reached up to push away a strand of hair that fell into his eyes.

"Really?" She nibbled at her lower lip. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Spike raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh, I don't know… Maybe this…!"

She yelped in delight when he rolled over her and pinned her to the madras while he burrowed his face in the crook of her neck.

"Spike!"

He blew raspberries into her skin and tickled her merciless 'til she was a blob of limp members and raging giggles.

Spike ceased with the pleasurable torture and raised himself up on the elbows so that he could gaze down at the happily grinning slayer.

"Do you surrender?" he asked and tilted his head in that adorable manor that always made Buffy melt to the core.

"Never!" she exclaimed bravely and burst out into another fit of laughter as he growled and started nibbling on her earlobe.

"Always knew slayers were lousy strategists," he teased and blew air into her ear. "Never know when they should quit."

Buffy huffed at that and made a manoeuvre that ended with him lying on his back and her straddling his prone form.

"More likely that we know bexactly/b how to place or opponent right there were we want him." She said and leaned down to place a kiss on his grinning mouth.

He returned the kiss and let his tongue slip into her mouth – tasting every inch of her warm cave.

"Brilliant strategy," he whispered and laid his arms around her, drawing her down so that she rested flatly against his muscular chest.

She smiled into his mouth.

"I know."

Spike's hand appears from the covers and he caresses her cheek before tangling his hand in her locks, tilting her head up so that he can deepen the kiss. Buffy mimics his gesture by lifting her hand to grip a handful of his curls.

Spike's mouth leaves Buffy's for a moment to travel down her exposed neck, planting kisses all the way down to her collarbone and then travelling up again to once again rest against her eager lips. Then he makes a thrusting move and Buffy exhales deeply in sweetest pleasure.

There's another pause as Spike stills over the slayer and their eyes meet. There's so much love…

"God, you're beautiful," he whispers silently.

"So are you," she smiles tenderly.

And then he begins to move inside of her. Slow, seductive thrusts that leaves her breathless and begging for more.

She's reduced to a willing slave as he plays on her body as the most sensitive artist.

Spike was the one inside her but she felt she was inside him, and it still wasn't enough. She needed more… She needed bhim/b. All of him.

She wrapped her legs around him to bring him closer and it still wasn't close enough – it could never be enough…

Their lips broke off for air and their eyes met and locked and everything stilled for a moment. It was so beautiful that her heart threatened to burst out of her chest.

Buffy traced Spike's cheek with the backs of her fingers.

"You're so…"

She touched his mouth with just one fingertip, her eyes fixed on his, intense, searching his face for something. bThere/b. There's that look that only he can give me.

Spike had a way of looking right through a person, into a person, there was no denying it.

_He sees me._

_My soul…_

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too," he responded and resumed kissing her.

There was in fact no other place in the entire world she'd rather be.

She was home…

**Epilogue Part Two: The Rest Of Our Lives.**

**_Your faith was strong but you needed proof,  
you saw her bathing on the roof,  
her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you  
She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne,  
she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah_**

_**You're the one, Buffy…**_

Buffy stood in front of her friends, noticing the smiles in their happy faces. They were glad for her sake. Truly, honestly glad that she'd finally was happy. That she'd found her love again.

She'd never expected them to be. After all there had been little love between her friends and Spike.

But all that had changed and now they welcomed him as one of them.

Maybe saving the world and proving his love for Buffy did that.

"So, Spike," Giles said and cleansed his glasses while he pinned the younger man with his gaze. "Are you going to make an honest woman out of my slayer?"

Buffy blushed bright red.

"Giles!"

Her watcher only responded with an innocent look.

Xander tried to hide his smirk behind his hand.

Willow simply beamed.

Dawn seemed ready to burst into particles of anticipation.

And Spike looked like a kid caught with the hand in the cookie jar.

Buffy's eyes widened when she suddenly came to a realization.

_I'm cookies!!_

"I'm cookies!!"

Everyone turned in unison and stared at her.

_Did I actually say that out loud?_

She blushed even redder.

"Er… That's… I meant…"

Spike obviously decided to come to her rescue.

"In fact, Rupert," he said and fired of a grin towards the elder man, "I was planning to." Eyebrow raised. "But now you kind'a ruined the surprise."

This was met by absolute silence.

Spike got down on his knees, looking up at Buffy as if she was the most beloved person in the whole wide world. In his hand laid the perfect wedding ring; white gold and yellow diamonds.

Oh, my God…

_It's happening._

_Just like I dreamt it would…_

_Only this isn't a dream…_

"For my golden goddess," he said and reached out for her hand. "Buffy, will you marry me?"

"Yes," she whispered with tears in her eyes. "God, yes!!"

A brilliant smile graced his beautiful face as he slid the ring – which fit perfectly, on her finger. Then he pulled her with him to their feet as he kissed her passionately.

"You've just made me the happiest man alive!"

They shared another sweet kiss, before Buffy broke contact to gaze over his shoulder at her cheering friends.

"Guys," she beamed at them, "Spike and I are getting married!"

"Congratulations!"

And soon she was enveloped in a warm group hug.

"We are so happy for you guys," they said as one.

Buffy turned blissfully to Spike and slid into his waiting arms.

"This is the happiest day in my life," she breathed.

He returned her smile and leaned down to kiss her.

"Mine too."

Dawn beamed at her sister and the spouse to be.

"This is just great!" Pause. "Everything has turned out like you wished, Buffy!"

"Yeah," breathed Willow. "So what do we do know?"

Buffy gazed around and remember a similar question – at a different time.

_**What do you think we should do, Buffy?**_

**_Yeah, you're not the one and only chosen anymore. s' gotta live lik__e a person. How does that feel?_**

_**Yeah, Buffy… What are we gonna do now?**_

Buffy gazed at the silent man standing by her side.

He would never leave her – just like he promised. He would always stand by her side, no matter what and he would always love her.

Just like she would always love him.

The answer was simple – really.

**"We live."**

**finsish~**


End file.
